Careful Jokes / Recent Jokes

The careful application of terror is also a form of
communication.

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful… Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They’re going to stick! Careful… Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt! ”
The wife stared at him and asked, “What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs? ”
The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving with you in the car. ”

One beautiful Saturday afternoon a priest and a man are golfing. The priest tees-off first making a beautiful shot on the fairway. Next the man hits and his shot crashes into the water trap. "God-damn it I missed!" the man exclaims in anger. "Be careful or God will strike you with a lightning bolt," the priest replies. One the next tee the priest makes a nice shot onto the green while the man's lands in the sand. "God-damn it I missed!" "Be careful or God will strike you with a lightning bolt," the priest says. Next hole the priest gets the play within range for an eagle put. The man shots and again it flys into the water. "God-damn it I missed!" As the man said this, the sky clouded over. All of a sudden a lightning bolt came down and hit the priest. The man looked up to hear, "God-damn it I missed!"

Part 4 - (Opearting Systems)
------------------------
What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M after all, is basically
a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can understand and use CP/M.
Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT
command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't
do Serious Work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games
and research papers.
No, your Real Programmer uses OS/370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of
IJK305I error (s)he just got in h(er)is JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to
the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs burried in a 6 megabyte core dump without
using a hex calculator. (I have more...

I'm always careful to get something every day from the four basic food groups: canned, frozen, fast and takeout.

A priest and a lawyer go golfing. The lawyer goes first. He takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" The priest says, "Do not say that or God will strike you down."
On the next hole the lawyer takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" The priest says, "If you say that one more time God will strike you down."
On the third hole the lawyer takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" Suddenly a huge lightning bolt comes down from the sky and hits the priest. And then a big voice from above says, "DAMN IT, I MISSED!"

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my Gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my Gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?! They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! HURRY UP! Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!"
The wife stared at him. "What the &^%$&^% is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving".