Top Rated Jokes

Confucius Says

Hot 1 year ago

Confucius Says: It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Prodigal Son

Hot 2 years ago

A Sunday school class was being quizzed on the prodigal son. The teacher asked one youngster, "Who was sorry when the prodigal son returned home?"

The boy gave it a lot of deep thought, then said, "The fatter calf."

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, ''What can I do?''
The Colonel says, ''I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican.''
The Pope replies, ''I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words.''
So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.
''Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'''
And the Pope responds, ''It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the more...

Greedy Kiwi

Hot 3 years ago

This aussie caught this Kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep... "Mate", the aussie said, "Over there we shear them".The kiwi replied, "Mate, I'm not shearing this with innyone"

Notice Of Increase In Tax Payments To All Male Taxpayers.
Gentlemen:
The only thing the government has not yet taxed is your "PECKER." Mainly because 98% of the time you pecker is out of work and the 2% it is in the hole. Moreover, it has two dependents who are both nuts.
Accordingly, beginning on April 1 of this year, your pecker will be taxed according to its size. Use the Pecker-Checker scale listed below to determine you tax.
Please insert the information on page 6, section P, subsection z, line 69 of your State Income Tax Form.
Very truly yours,
IRS
Addenum
PECKER-CHECKER SCALE
10 to 12 inches Luxury Tax $50. 00
8 to 10 inches Pole Tax $25. 00
6 to 8 inches Privilege Tax $15. 00
4 to 6 inches Nuisance Tax $ 5. 00
Note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.
Please do not request an extension.

Broken pecker joke

Hot 3 days ago

A guy takes his broken pecker to a doctor for treatment. The doctor tells him there's nothing he can do for him except wrap it up with a splint. That night he and his girlfriend are necking and she keeps waiting for him to go a little further.
She removes her blouse and says, "Look at this... untouched by human hands."
He doesn't respond.
Then she removes her pants and says, "Look at this... untouched by human hands."
At this, he jumps up, drops his drawers and says, "Look at this... still in the crate."

Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...