There were these three American Indians sitting around this campfire one night, discussing where their parents got their names from.
The first Indian said, "My parents decided to call me Jumping Deer because when they were conceiving me, a deer went jumping over them."
The second Indian said, "My parents named me Running Waterfall because when I was conceived, they were next to a waterfall."
The third Indian said, "This is really strange. My parents also named me after something that happened when I was conceived. They named me Broken Condom..."
You mamma is soo fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you more...
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "
Oh, boy! Horsy ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.
Johnny cries out "
Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
It was John The Milkman's birthday. Being a friendly sort of chap, he knew most of his customers and had told quite of few of them about his birthday. When he reached number 28, he was met by Mrs. Jones, the young attractive occupant. She asked him into the house and gave him an enormous birthday breakfast. Then she took him by the hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom, where they had the most amazing sex.
A couple of hours later as John was leaving the house, Mrs Jones pressed a pound coin into his hand.
"I'm sorry," he said, "but I've got to ask - why the pound?"
"Well," said Mrs Jones, "I said to my husband last night 'It's the milkman's birthday tomorrow, what shall we give him?' and he replied 'Oh screw the milkman, give him a pound.' The breakfast was my idea!"
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy"."So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven".Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning".Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!""Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this more...
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The more...