Top Rated Jokes

Senator John Kerry, recovering from prostate surgery, was told it would be six weeks before he could be sexually active.
John Edwards called to wish Kerry well.
Al Sharpton called Kerry to offer prayers.
Howard Dean called with encouragement on recovery.
Bill Clinton called Teresa.

"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments."
- David Letterman

Beware the lollipop of mediocrity.
Lick once and you'll suck forever.

The faggot

Hot 7 years ago

What is the difference between a faggot and a refridgerator?
The fridge dont fart when you pull the meat out.

Snobbish Lifestyle

Hot 4 days ago

A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius! ” The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island. ” There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, “We’re leaving right now. Get your coat and let’s get out of here. ” As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally his wife turned to him. “You’re angry about something. ” “Oh really? You noticed? ” he sneered. “I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Coney Island? You idiot! Don’t you know the No. 5 bus doesn’t go out to Coney Island? ”

A Blonde's Diary

Hot 1 year ago

MONDAY: It's so much fun to cook for Ron. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. Fortunately, the neighbors were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Ron wanted fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said serve without dressing so, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Ron brought his boss home for dinner.
WEDNESDAY: A great day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed sort of silly, but I took a shower. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today, Ron asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Ron asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was exactly the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Ron more...

The Butterfly Dance

Hot 6 years ago

Q: Why wouldn't the butterfly go to the dance?

A: It was a moth ball