Top Rated Jokes

Three Canadians...

Hot 11 months ago

Ok, 3 canadians were walking along the beach, one from the Yukon, one from Quebec, and one from Newfoundland. Now, it happened that they found a magic lamp. After rubbing it, the genie promised each of them one wish. The Yukon said, "I wish for fish teeming in our waters for a million years." The genie snapped his fingers and said, "Done."
The Yukon man went off to go fish. Now the Quebec man said, "Being as the Quebecois's (is that right?) are a superior race, I want a wall a mile high and a mile thick all the way around Quebec so no one can get in, and no one can get out.
So the genie snapped his fingers, and transported the Quebecois to Quebec so there were no problems.
The Newfie stepped up and said, "Ok, it's a mile high and a mile thick, and no one can get in or out right?"
"Correct." said the genie.
"Fill it with water."

Gathering chickens

Hot 2 days ago

& The farmer`s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken`s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."

"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."

Nan please

Hot 10 months agoby Funny gal

- Fuck off, ninja!
- Nan, thats a muslim.

Playing House

Hot 6 days ago

A boy of three and a girl of four, were playing house one day. They played that they were man & wife and they were going away. As they knocked upon a neighbor's door, the little girl bowed low saying, "This is my husband and I'm his wife. We're visiting you you know."Come in, come in," the lady at the door said, "and take yourself a seat. I'll bring you both some lemonade and something good to eat."She gave them each a tall glass and a cookie on a plate. Later, she offered them a second cup of frosty lemonade."Oh no, thank you", the wee lass said, as she took the small boy's hand, "We really have to go now. My husband wet his pants"'

sour

Hot 8 months agoby kacey

q:what do u call a kitten drinkin lemonade?????

a: A sourpuss

A Dream

Hot 3 years ago

Saddam called President Clinton and said: "Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a flag."
Clinton said:"Saddam, what was on the flag?" Sadam said: "Allah is God, God is Allah".
Clinton said: "You know, Saddam, I'm really glad you called because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war; it had been completely rebuilt. And on every building there was a flag."
Saddam said: "Bill, what were on the flags?"
Clinton replied: "I really don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"

4 nuns go to heaven

Hot 5 years ago

Four nuns are driving to market and get hit by a drunk driver and all four nuns die. They get in line to go through pearly gates and wait for St. Peter to admit them.
St. Peter goes to the nuns and says "I realize that you are sisters of the cloth, but I must ask you if you have anything to report to me that might be a sin."
The sisters thought for a while and the first nun went to St. Peter. "I once touched a man's penis with this finger". St. Peter thought for a while and said. "I'm sure it was in the line of duty; Place your finger in that holy water and swirl it around." She did as she was instructed and "PING" she was in.
The second nun went to St. Peter and said, "I once touched a man's genitals with my entire right hand." Again St. Peter thought for a while and said, "I'm sure it was within your duties; Swirl your hand in that holy water and go in." The second nun did as she was instructed and more...