Top Rated Jokes

Meet the Genie

Hot 7 months ago

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey be very careful when you drive the ball-don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses! Alright let's go up there, apologize, and see how much that's going to cost."They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side on the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke the window?""Uh yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - more...

You Might Be Ghetto

Hot 6 days ago

You might be ghetto if the rims on your car cost more than your car does!

The Blonde Coyote

Hot 3 years ago

Ever hear about the blonde coyote who got a leg stuck in a trap -
she chewed off three legs and was still stuck!

Property Suit

Hot 1 year ago

One evening after the theatre, two men were walking down Broadway when they
saw a well-dressed and attractive woman walking just ahead of them. One man
turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $50 to sleep with that woman."
To their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark and, turning
around, said, "I'll take you up on that." She looked neat and sounded
educated so, bidding his companion goodnight, the lucky man accompanied the
young lady to her flat, where they immediately went to bed.
Next morning the man presented her with $25 and prepared to leave. But she
demanded the rest of the money and threatened, "If you don't give it to me,
I'll sue."
The man only laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on those
grounds."
He was surprised to receive a summons the next day, ordering his presence in
court as a defendant in a lawsuit. When he told his lawer the details more...

Dirty Rubix Riddle

Hot 8 months ago

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

Dog Vs. Fox

Hot 3 weeks ago

Q: What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
A: About five drinks.

Conveyance in heaven

Hot 2 years ago

Three guys die and go to heaven.
The first guy goes up to St. Peter, who says, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
The guy thinks a moment then says, "No. No. I was always faithful to her through 55 years of marriage."
St. Peter scratches something down in a big book, then he says to the guy, "OK, mister, you can have that Rolls Royce over there to drive around here."
Now second guy goes up to St. Peter. He asks him, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
This second guy takes a moment. He hems and haws a few minutes, then he says, "Well, I did flirt a little, and there was that one night with Julia. But other than that I tried to remain faithful to my wife through 40 years of marriage. I guess I just wasn't perfect, huh?"
St. Peter scratches something in his book and says, "Don't worry about it. You can have that motorbike over more...