Beard Jokes

A married man was spending the afternoon with his girlfriend when she asked that he shave his beard.
"I do like your beard, John, but I would really love to see your handsome face," she said.
"My wife loves this beard, honey," he replied. "I couldn't possibly shave it. She would kill me."
"Oh, please?" his girlfriend purred.
"Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
That night, John crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
His wife stirred, felt his face, and said, "Oh, Robert, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replies.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the barman, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
‘Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' toilet.'

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

In the mid-sixties, there was a hippy named Benny in San Francisco.
Benny was real hip, but he just couldn't grow a beard like the rest of the flower child guys in Haight-Ashbury (Hashbury).
One day Benny met up with a Gypsy Lady who liked him enough to grant him a wish, so, naturally, Benny wished for a beard.
Gypsy Lady granted the wish but warned Benny to ALWAYS wear the beard, never cut it off.
Well, the years went by, the flower children aged, the hippoy movement sorta died out, Benny went on to a career as a successful financial adviser.
Benny decided the beard no longer fit his image so, ignoring the Gypsy Lady`s warnings, he shaved it off.
**POOF** Benny disintegrated into a pile of ashes, the janitor swept him up and deposited him in a jar.
Moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Why did the dishonest man grow a beard?
So that no one could call him a bare-faced liar!