A Sardar came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place an advertisement announcing his father’s death.
“The rate is Rs. 360 per single col. cm, ” the clerk told him.
“Main toh lut jaoonga, ” exclaimed the Sardar.
“My father was 182 cms tall. ”
China - Ah... Capitalism is alive and well in China as a southern Chinese hospital sells livers from executed prisoners to wealthy Asian transplant patients. A Hong Kong newspaper reported on Sunday that undercover reporters were urged to book a liver from a good young prisoner during the current spate of mass executions that precedes the Chinese New Year. Our experience tells us that there are many organs before the Lunar New Year, a doctor from the Sun Yat Sen University Hospital in Guangzhou told the South China Sunday Morning Post. If you miss this chance, you may have to wait until Labor Day. China has always insisted that donations are voluntary. But doctors from the hospital told the Post that consent was not required for criminals and most organs came from executed prisoners. The hospital, which subsequently denied the doctors comments, charges about 20, 000 pounds for a liver transplant.
In an international Convention of coffee-producing nations, the Philippines proved it really has given something to the coffee world. The Columbia delegate said: "We have the best coffee beans." Remarked the Japanese representative: "Japan refined coffee production to make people enjoy coffee more." The American delegate: "America has the best and the most number of brands of regular and instant coffee, supported by the most modern means of production." Then the Filipino delegate stood up to proudly declare: "The Philippines invented the two-hour coffee break!!!" "Proud to be a Filipino."
Mrs. Estrada caught her husband Erap Estrada staring at the orange juice container. Mrs. Estrada, curious on what was going on, asked Erap Estrada what the hell he was doing. Mrs. Estrada: Erap, what are you doing in front of the orange juice box? Erap: The OJ box says: concentrate!
Erap was in the forest when he came across this huge lion and immediately fainted. When he came to, he found the lion kneeling in front of him. ERAP: Mr. Lion, thank you for not eating me! LION: Ssshh! I'm saying grace.
To My Countrymen Dear peoples from di Phillipines, As you are already informed via the internit, you should all be fully in awareness that I am going to be the next President of the Philippines. Now I know all the votes are not yet fully counted, but who cares about counting all the votes? You've seen one ballot, you've seen them all. Trust me, they all look the same. I am in knowing that many of you peoples here have somethings in reserved against me, and also thats many of you often make fun of me. So plees, plees let me re-insure you that I am not the man you are thinking I am. Many of the mudslingings about me from my opposers are lies, or things that are in the past. And I am not as stoopid as you beleive. I know how to subtract 2 plus 2, I can spell english better than Dan Kwayl, I know about economics and the law of sublime and demand. Underneath this barong, pantalon, and leopard briefs, is a man who knows what to do. You only need to ask the many women who have seen me and more...
A Filipino guy from Bicol tries very hard to come to Canada. In doing so he spent all his money and sold all his valuables so after he gets out of the Canadian airport he takes the bus to go stay at his relatives' house He thinks to himself, "Galit na galit ako parang gusto kong pumatay." So he takes a out his knife and flashes it at some white guy standing there on the bus, The white guy then says, " Yo! BE COOL man be cool!" Then the Filipino guy says, "Oh Pasalamat ka, taga Bicol ka kundi pinatay na kita!!"