Hot Jokes

I'm not 40-something

Hot 6 days ago

I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.

Commercial misfortune

Hot 1 week ago

This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.
"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish."
"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
"That's easy, Guy," more...

Moti-Waiting

Hot 1 week ago

What do you call a fat lady waiting in a bus stop?
Moti-Waiting (Motivating)

Golf Genie

Hot 2 weeks ago

Golf Genie
A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on
the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her
shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very
large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through
the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to
see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they
peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out
and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small
gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head. The wife asked
the man, "
Do you live here?"
"
No, someone just hit a ball through the
window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little
bottle. I am so grateful!"
he answe red. The wife asked, "
Are you a
genie?"
more...

Fill Out Questionnaire

Hot 3 weeks ago

A teacher was asked to fill out a special questionnaire for the state. One question said, "Give two reasons for entering the teaching profession."
The teacher wrote: "July and August."

Game Warden

Hot 1 month ago

A farmer and his friend were leaning on a fence chatting.
Suddenly, the local Game Warden showed up and insisted on checking the farmer's property and, in particular, a certain field. The farmer refused to allow him access to the field. The Warden insisted he had the right, saying, "I'm the Game Warden and I have a card! This card allows me to go in." Before the farmer could stop him, the Warden was off into the field.
Soon, a horrifying scream pierced the air and the Warden, being chased by a massive bull, reappeared running for his life. "Help, help!" he cried.
The farmer laughed and shouted back, "Show him your card! Show him your card!"

What did the maggot say to another? What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this!