It was a hot day and a Hollywood star told a visiting Asian actor he knew of a secluded place where they can go skinny dipping. While they were enjoying the cool water, a busload of women suddenly appeared. Both men made a beeline for their towels. The Hollywood star wrapped his towel around his waist, while the Asian actor wrapped his towel around his head. There was a great deal of laughter coming from the women. They were hysterical. Afterwards, when there was only the two of them, the Hollywood star asked his guest why he wrap his towel around his head, instead of around his waist and he replied, Where I come from we identify with our faces.
Asian guy is having his "SNACK" ( bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Asian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. American: "You Asian folks eat the whole bread??" Asian (in a bad mood): "Of course." American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them
into croissants and export them to Asia." The American has a smirk on his face. The Asia listens in silence. The American persists: "D'ya eat jelly with the bread??" Asian: "Of Course." American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and export them to Asia. " The Asian ( pissed of) then asks: "Do you have sex more...
Memo No. 1:
Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.
Memo No. 2:
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Memo No. 3:
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Memo No. 4:
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Memo No. 5:
As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, the Committee On Committee's has appointed a 14-member Casual Day Task Force to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
Memo No. 6:
The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are more...
A man and his wife were driving on the North-South highway on his way from Johor Bahru to Penang. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next petrol station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a petrol station and pulls over to the high-octane pump. "What can I do for you?" asks the attendant. "Full tank of unleaded," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kind of car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "This, is the new Proton convertible." "What has got in it?" asks the attendant." Well," says the driver, "It has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a CD changer and VCD player in the trunk with 1000 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, more...
Once there was a fan maker in a Burmese village. Everyday, he sold out many fans to his villagers. The reason why his fans were so popular was because of the Chinese characters on his fans. One day, his close friend visited him and interviewed him. "Ko Toke, I heard that your fans are so popular here. Many people even called your fans as Chinese fans. Where did you buy and sell them back?". The fan maker said, "Well, I make them myself.". His friend amazed and asked "But you don't understand Chinese language. How could you write the Chinese character?". Then the old men replied, "O! it is not difficult. Sometimes, I go to the Chinese cemetery near our village and imitate some Chinese characters on the tombs.": )
When Mahathir was visiting Singapore, PM Goh though he'd show the M'sian Premier Singapore's Telecommunication capabilities. As the M'sian entourage was touring SingTel's corporate HQ, being shown all it's new telecom technology, Dr. M noticed a strange telephone sitting in one corner of the room. Walking over, he found the phone glowed dark red, and had weird occultic symbols where numbers ought to be.
He turned to ask the SingTel representative what it was. The rep stiffened momentarily, then answered,' It's a hotline to hell, Dr Mahathir.' Curious, Dr M wanted to give it a try. Picking up the handset, he heard a rumbling demonic voice,' Please deposit S$10, 000 for the first minute.' When Dr. M returned home, he called up the Minister responsible for telecommunications and told him of his discovery.
The minister then said,' Oh, we have that too, sir. We just don't like to talk about it.'' Let me see it.' said Dr. M. So the minister brought Dr M. to see the more...
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY
No excuse... We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
* AN OPERATION
We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
1. Other than your own, this is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead more...