Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes, man, I'll go and kill my own!" The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. "So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw nthe gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed more...
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said,' No hablo ingles.'
There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or tell your kids not to do it.
A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.
Antiques are things one generation buys, the next generation gets rid off, and the following generation buys at auction at amazing prices.
It's only premarital sex if you're going to get married.