Hot Jokes

Knock Knock

Hot 2 days ago

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anthony who!
Anthony you want!

The story behind this joke:... There's this nutball who digs things out his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Paleoanthropology DivisionSmithsonian Institute207 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington, DC 20078Dear Sir: Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago. "Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu more...

Knock Knock - Aaron

Hot 4 days ago

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Aaron who?
Aaron on the side of caution! Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aaron who?
Aaron the barber's floor!

The Coolidge Effect

Hot 5 days ago

a supposedly true story from:
Bermant, G. (1976). Sexual behavior: Hard times with the Coolidge
Effect. In M. H. Siegel & H. P. Zeigler (Eds.), /Psychological
Research: The inside story/ (pp. 76-103). New York: Harper & Row.
One day the President and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a government
farm. Soon after their arrival they were taken off on separate tours.
When Mrs. Coolidge passed the chicken pens she paused to ask the man in
charge if the rooster copulates more than once each day. "Dozens of
times," was the reply. "Please tell that to the President," Mrs.
Coolidge requested.
When the President passed the pens and was told about the
roosters, he asked, "Same hen every time?" "Oh no, Mr.
President, a different one each time." The President nodded
slowly, then said, "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

"Silent Cal" Coolidge may have been the least voluble of all U.S. presidents.
He was very well known to be a man of few words.
Once, a reporter said to him: "I have a wager on with the boys back at the paper, who bet me I couldn't get you to say three words to me!"
Coolidge replied: "You lose."

Outrageous Vet Bill

Hot 6 days ago

A man, carrying a very limp dog, entered the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the vet took out his stethoscope and placed the receptor on the dog's chest.
He listened for a moment or two, shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but your dog has passed away."
"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't even done any tests on him. I demand a second opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work and checked the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook its head and barked.
The vet then took the dog out and returned a few moments later with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table.
As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook its head, meowed, jumped off the table and ran out of the room.
The vet handed the man a bill for $650. The more...

Yo mamas like the sun you look at her to long you will go blind!