Hot Jokes

Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

Playing House

Hot 3 days ago

A boy of three and a girl of four, were playing house one day. They played that they were man & wife and they were going away. As they knocked upon a neighbor's door, the little girl bowed low saying, "This is my husband and I'm his wife. We're visiting you you know."Come in, come in," the lady at the door said, "and take yourself a seat. I'll bring you both some lemonade and something good to eat."She gave them each a tall glass and a cookie on a plate. Later, she offered them a second cup of frosty lemonade."Oh no, thank you", the wee lass said, as she took the small boy's hand, "We really have to go now. My husband wet his pants"'

Who is high tech....??

Hot 4 days ago

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man, a japanese presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him curiosly.
"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man (an american) lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man a sri lankan, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a Fax," he explains.

Men are like lava lamps, fun to look at it but not all that bright.

A Chicago Salesman

Hot 1 week ago

A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver: "Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?"

"Pal," replied the cabby, "I've heard that question a thousand times, but this is the first time in the pluperfect subjunctive."

Hallowe'en Costumes

Hot 1 week ago

One year at Hallowe'en the governor of Illinois was giving a costume party.
All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce
what there characters were.
When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."
As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane."
...and so on as each guest arrived.
Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but
apart from that totally naked from head to toe.
"Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that
the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department,
the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"
The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation."
"I'm very sorry sir" said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce
anything like that to such a gathering."
"O.K." said the professor. "Just say I more...

Jewelry

Hot 1 week ago

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."