Hot Jokes

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into alumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office andsaid, "We need some four-by-twos."The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meanttwo-by-fours.""All right. How long do you need them?"The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better gocheck."After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,"A long time. We're gonna build a house."

A couple just moved into hotel. And the hotel clerk asks the man after helping him with his luggage.- Anything else? - NO, thanks, - Maybe, your wife needs something? - Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell greeting cards ?

A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients
1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.
3.Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
4.Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.
6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, more...

A butcher is very busy working at the meat counter when he notices a dog in his shop. He shoos him away, but the dog returns a while later. He walks over to the dog and sees that he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and reads it, "Can I please have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb. The dog has money in his mouth as well."
The butcher looks in the dog's mouth and, sure enough, there's a ten dollar bill. He takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
The dog walks down the street and comes to a crossing. He puts the bag down, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him.
The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at more...

your mama is so fat when she farted everyoen around the world thought it was thunder

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops. They turn into a dark alley and find three potato sacks, so they hide in them. The cop kicks the bag with the brunette in it, and the brunette says WOOF WOOF. The cop kicks the one with the redhead in it and she says MEOW MEOW. The cop kicks the bag with the blonde in it, and she says POTATOES!!!