Hot Jokes

Confession

Hot 1 week ago

A man enters the confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month."
The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say 3 Hail Mary's."
Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."This time the priest asks, "Who is "Fannie Green?" "A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. "Very well," says the priest. "Go and say 10 Hail Mary's."
The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when, suddenly a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her, as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green more...

Examination Time

Hot 1 week ago

A candidate brought dice into the examination hall for MCQ. He started tossing the dice to select his answers. The superintendent just gave a glimpse at this candidate, as he passed by, as it is common to have students trying their luck. Very soon the candidate finished his whole paper and slept on his table. Half an hour later, the candidate sat up, and started tossing the dice again The superintendent felt curious, and approached the candidate.
Superintendent: "Gentleman, why are you tossing the dice again, since you've already finished all the questions earlier on?"
Candidate: "Sir, I have to double check my answers"

Flat-Chested Girl

Hot 1 week ago

A young man was out on a first date with a rather flat-chested girl. The evening ended on the sofa in the young lady's parlor. The boy put his arm around her and made a few preliminary passes.
The girl stiffened indignantly. "Here, here!" she exclaimed.
"Where, where?" he replied.

The Fly

Hot 1 week ago

Customer: Oyye Sardar Teri Lassi Me Makhi Hai...!!

Sardar: Oye Chup Bae...!!

Dil Badda Rakh, Ye Nanhi Si Jaan Teri Kitni Lassi Piyegi...!!

Drunker

Hot 1 week ago

"You are drunk!" shouts the barman of the Groggy Doggie Pub, at Paddy, who just has slipped gradually onto the confound again.

"I'm not drunk at all!" insists Paddy, picking himself up. "In fact, I'm not even drunk a little bit, and I'll prove it to you. Now, you see that cat just coming in the entrance? Well, it has only got one eye."

"You're drunker than I thought," says the barman. "That cat is going out!"

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "
I'm so pissed off !"
"
Oh yeah? What happened?"
asked the bartender politely.
"
See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we
were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in
the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"
Gee, that's tough!"
commiserated the bartender.
"
Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated,"
the
customer went on.
"
When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"
"
Yeech!"
the bartender shook his head. more...

Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a -- ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"