Hot Jokes

Brenda and Ruth were playing golf when a bird flew overhead.
Brenda said. "Look at that lovely swan."
Ruth replied, "It was a duck."
"It was a swan," said Brenda.
Just then a golf ball was hit in their direction.
"Duck!" shouted Ruth.
"Swan!" screamed Brenda.
"Ka-bonk!" went the golf ball.

Lonely Frog

Hot 1 day ago

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his
future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a
beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great!
"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class."

Whiskey and Soda

Hot 2 days ago

A Baptist preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantaged of by women of ill-repute than to let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too. I didn't know we had a choice...."

Knock Knock - Cabot

Hot 3 days ago

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Cabot!
Cabot who?
Cabotret!

One arm pollock

Hot 3 days ago

Q: how do you get a one arm pollock out of a tree? A: you wave at him

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.
* If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue. Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
* There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
* Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal more...

Good Pedigree

Hot 1 week ago

The lil' Columbia, Maryland Yuppette was shopping in an upscale pet center. “I want a dog of which I can be proud, ” she told the salesman. “Does that one have a good pedigree? ”
“Miss, ” confirmed the clerk, “if she could speak, she wouldn't talk to either one of us. ”