Hot Jokes

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her,
"There's one thing I want you to know. There's a box under my bed, and I don't want you to look in it until I die."
Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her, and she finally looked in it.
She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash.
When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, "Well, those are for all the times I've cheated on you."
Hillary said, "Well, that's not bad after all these years, and you being a politician, and traveling and all."
She was about to leave, but then she said, "Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?"
Bill replied, "That's for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in."

The slave driver of the Roman ship stared down at his slaves and yelled. "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that you'll be getting double rations tonight."

The mumbling of the happy slaves was interrupted by the bellowing of the slave driver. "The bad news is that the commander's son wants to water ski."

What Gauge

Hot 1 week ago

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

The wasp

Hot 1 week ago

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car.
Then he makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps. So he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out by putting honey on his willy and withdraw as soon as he feels the wasp.
The honey is smeared, but because of his wife's screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor, and the general panic, he just can't rise to the occasion.
So the doctor says he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage.
The doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the wife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with more...

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.
The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.
THEN¦In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.

The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke...
"From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.
You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.
Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.

The first one is "gross"
And the other one is "cool"
Are there any questions?"

After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the

A dentist’s patient was grumbling about the fee. “Two hundred rupees for pulling out a tooth!, ” she exclaimed. “And it’s only a minute’s work. ”
“Well, if you wish, ” the dentist said, “I’ll it out slowly. ”


Hot 3 weeks ago

There was a man who lived in great fear of his wife. Once he incurred the wrath of his wife, who by way of punishment, was going to squeeze his fingers between sticks. "We have no sticks at home," said the man. His wife consequently sent him over to their neighbor to borrow a pair. On his way out, the man was heard grumbling. At that his wife instantly called him back and asked: "What the hell were you grumbling about?" "Nothing," answered the man. "I was just saying we should have our own instruments of torture."