If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague. "Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian.
What should I do?
Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him any more.
You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like it!
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
In recent ads, Verizon promotes their DSL Internet service by pointing out its better than other companies’ dial up services. Borrowing from Verizon’s ad playbook, BMW is launching a new multi-billion dollar campaign that boasts the tagline: “BMW- Because they’re nicer than Kias.”
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine-years-old and the other one is four-years-old. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine-year-old replies "Nope, not for my mom."
Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
The nine-year-old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?"
The nine-year-old says "They're for my four-year-old little brother."
The cashier is surprised "Your four-year-old little brother?"
The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"
An interoffice volleyball game was held every year between the marketing and support staff of Santabanta.com.
In 2002, the support staff whipped the marketing department soundly.
But the marketing department showed how they earn their keep by posting this memo on the bulletin board after the game:
"The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2002 volleyball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game."