Hot Jokes

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very handy thing", God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability."

Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems a sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please...

On and on he went like an excited little boy who had to pee. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam more...

Chevrolet Nova didn't do well in Spanish speaking countries... Nova means 'No Go'...
Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name 'Pavian' to suggest French chic... but 'Pavian' means 'baboon' in German.
A peanut-packed chocolate bar targeted at Japanese teenagers needing energy while cramming for exams ran headlong into a belief that eating peanuts and chocolate causes nosebleeds.
Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"... which also means "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."
When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the USA - the cute baby on the label. Later, when investigating lower than expected sales figures, they found out that it is common practice in Africa to put pictures of the contents on food package labels.
Coors slogan, "Turn it Loose," translated into Spanish as "Suffer From more...

The Brits

Hot 3 days ago

This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine. It was taken seriously by a lot of people...

MONEY
The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

MAKING FRIENDS
If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser"- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

CUSTOMS
Since their Labour government whole heartedly embraced full union with Europe the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two or more...

Constipation!

Hot 3 days ago

An old lady went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."

Call in sick...

Hot 1 week ago

Bob calls in to his job:
"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss says:
"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house."

The Slug

Hot 1 week ago

Whats adefenition of a slug
A.a snail with a housing problem

The National Institutes of Health abruptly ended a diabetes study after 257 patients died after receiving intense therapy to reduce their blood sugar.

Researchers said those patients’ therapy technically was a total success.