Hot Jokes

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
''Only a shilling to bury an attorney?'', said the Justice, ''Here's a guinea, go and bury 20 of them.''

The Trucker

Hot 2 days ago

There was a trucker who hated lawyers so much that each time he saw one, he would turn off the road and hit him. One day he noticed the Pope standing at the side of the road next to a broken down car. The trucker pulled over and offered the Pope a ride.
As they were driving along, the trucker noticed a lawyer so he pulled off the road to hit him. Suddenly remembering the Pope was with him, he turned back onto the road but still heard a thump. The trucker said, "Oh no! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hit him."
"That's ok," replied the Pope. "I saw that you were going to miss him, so I got him with the door."

The village blacksmith

Hot 3 days ago

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I''ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."

The apprentice did just as he told.

Now he''s the village blacksmith.

Proctologist: A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.
Proctologist: A brain surgeon for lawyers.
Proctologist: the rare profession in which the M.D. starts out at the bottom and stays there.

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"

Your dog Is Dead

Hot 1 week ago

A lady rushes into the veterinarian and screams, "I found my dog unconscious and I can't wake him -- do something." The vet lays the dog on the examination table and after a few simple tests he says, "I'm sorry, I don't feel a pulse, I'm afraid your dog is dead". The lady can't accept this and says, "No, no, he can't be dead -- do something else." So, the vet goes into the other room, and comes back with a Labrador retriever. The dog jumps up on the table and sniffs the other dog from head to toe. It sniffs and sniffs up and down the dog, then all of a sudden just stops and jumps off the table and leaves. The vet says, "I'm very sorry lady, your dog is dead. "No, no, he can't be dead -- do something else... PLEASE" the lady cries. So the vet goes into another room, and comes back with a little cat. The cat jumps up on the table and starts sniffing the dog from head to toe. It sniffs and sniffs up and down the dog, then all of a sudden just more...