Hot Jokes

An idiotic laborer was told by an equally idiotic foreman to dig a hole in the road. "And what shall I do with the earth, sir?" asked the laborer. "Don't be daft, man," he replied. "Just dig another hole and bury it."

A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they've run out, goes back to question the chef.
"Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?"
Gus replies, "I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs left."
The waiter says, "Give him the rotten eggs. He's so bombed he won't know the difference."
Gus scrambles up the rotten eggs and heaps on hash browns, sausage and toast.
The drunk is so hungry he wolfs down the breakfast without comment.
He goes to pay the cashier and asks, "Where'd you get those eggs?"
She replies, "We have our own chicken farm."
The drunk asks, "Do you have a rooster?
"No," she says.
The drunk replies, "Well, you'd better get one, because some skunk is screwing your chickens."

Bigamy and monogamy

Hot 1 day ago

According to some people, bigamy and monogamy are the same thing: One wife too many.

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?" "Certainly," the young executive says. He turns the machine on, inserts the paper, and presses the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" says the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Anna's Loss

Hot 3 days ago

Anna Nicole Smith's son, Danny, who was featured in her reality show, died three days after her daughter was born. Sobbed the distraught ex-stripper, "First my 85-year-old husband, now my son. I just keep losing everyone I use."

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?""The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

Just a Dog

Hot 1 week ago

A business man was driving along when he spotted a hippie thumbing for a ride. He stopped to pick him up. The hippie sat in the front of the car, bopping and snapping his fingers to some beat in his head.
The business man approached a stop sign and couldn't see clearly to his right, so he asked the hippie if there was anything coming from the right.
"Just a dog, man..just a dog"
So the business man pulled out and CRASH!!
A few days later the business man woke up in a hospital with his arms and legs hung in traction. He looked over and saw the hippie in the bed next to him, his arms and legs also suspended in traction - still bopping and snapping his fingers to some beat in his head.
The business man asked, "Hey, I thought you said there was just a dog coming from the right!?"
Said the hippie, still snapping his fingers in rhythm, "Yeah man, like Greyhound! man..."