A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people
bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man
replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese your all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It
was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese man, replies,
"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same."
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. There wasn't a dry eye in the audience.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When confronted later, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist."
At that point, the proctologist fainted.
A brand new prostitute at a Nevada brothel was assigned her first customer. She went into the room with the customer and just less than a minute later, came out laughing hysterically. The madam confronted her, saying, "You were with him less than a minute and came out laughing. That's no way to treat a customer."
The rookie prostitute replied, "I just couldn't help it. He undressed and when I looked down at his dick it was the size of a peanut and had a tattoo on it which says 'SHORTY'!"
The madam was furious, and assigned a veteran prostitute to go in and give this poor guy his money's worth.
A half hour later, the veteran prostitute came out of the room. She could barely walk and her eyes were beaming! She kept saying "WOW!" over and over again. She walked over to the rookie prostitute and said, "You needed to spend more time with this guy. When he gets excited that tattoo reads: 'SHORTY'S BAR AND GRILL - FINE DINING - ALBUQUERQUE, NEW more...
A boy and his girl friend were driving down an old country road late at night in the dead of winter one time. Suddenly they came upon a dead skunk lying in the middle of the road. There was a little baby skunk sitting next to the dead skunk. Well, with a soft heart the girl ask the boy to stop. He stopped and the girl went out and got the baby skunk. As they drove on down the road the girl said he is shivering, what can I do? Well, the boy said wrap your scarf around him. She tried that but then said he is still shivering what can I do? Well, he said. Everyone knows the warmest spot on a woman is between her legs, tuck him in there. She thought for a minute then ask, what about the odor? The boyfriend replied just hold the little fellers nose!!!
A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window frames on a 50-story building. He was using an electric saw and accidentally cut one of his ears off. A guy was walking along the street below him so he called out, ''Hey, you on the street, can you see my ear down there?'' The guy on the street picks up an ear saying, ''Is this it?'' ''No,'' was the reply from the blonde carpenter, ''mine had a pencil behind it.''
A blonde and a brunette were walking along the beach.
The brunette says "Gosh, look at all the dead seagulls!"
The blonde looks up in the sky and says,"Where?"
A blond and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blond asked the brunette what she was going to buy.
The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?"
The blond said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."