Hot Jokes

T-Rex in a Tutu

Hot 2 hours ago

A T-rex named Farrell asked his mother if he could dress up in a tutu. His mother replied, "No! Boys don't wear tutus and dance on their tipie-toes!" Farrell yelled, "But mom!", and told his father.
His father said, "Son, I'm a balerina and I dance in a tutu." Then the mother fainted and fell on the floor.
So, father and son danced around their unconscious mother in tutus. They had so much fun and later had cookies and tea as a treat - and they used their mother as a table.

"Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."
"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold..."
"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"UM... okay."
He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. In fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He thinks more...

Hanging sign

Hot 8 hours ago

A traveller in a strange town found that his watch stopped.
He happened to see a door with a big clock hanging outside, so he stepped in.
An elderly Jewish man attended him and he explained that his watch needed fixing.
The elderly man said " I am sorry, sir I cannot help you, I am a mohel not a watchmaker"
The man replied, surprised " If you are a mohel why do you hang a clock outside your door?" The mohel replied "Well, if you were a mohel, what would YOU hang outside your door?"

One-Liner

Hot 11 hours ago

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Knock Knock

Hot 14 hours ago

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Matthew!
Matthew who?
Matthew is pinthing my foot!

Knock Knock

Hot 17 hours ago

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Emma!
Emma who?
Emma bit cold out here, can you let me in?

Knock Knock

Hot 20 hours ago

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cynthia!
Cynthia who?
Cynthia you been away I missed you!