A musician arrived at the pearly gates. "What did you do when you were alive?" asked St. Peter. "I was the principal trombone player of the London Symphony Orchestra" "Excellent! We have a vacancy in our celestial symphony orchestra for a trombonist. Why don't you turn up at the next rehearsal." So, when the time for the next rehearsal arrived our friend turned up with his heavenly trombone [sic].
As he took his seat God moved, in a mysterious way, to the podium and tapped his batton to bring the players to attention. Our friend turned to the angelic second trombonist (!) and whispered, "So, what's God like as a conductor?" "Oh, he's O. K. most of the time, but occasionally he thinks he's von Karajan."
Shreya: I Have More Bones In Body Than You Have. Shelly: That’s Impossible Shreya: It’s True. I Swallowed A Fish Bone At
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
A Buckeye and a Briar were night fishin on opposite sides of the Ohio river. The Buckeye was pulling in a load of fish and the Briar couldn't even get nibble. The Briar yells across the river " What kinda bait are ye usen", Buckeye yells back "Night crawlers". Briar: "Thats what I'ma usen" Buckye: "Why don't ya come over this side and fish then?" Briar: "Taint no bridge fer twenty mile in either direction. Buckeye: "Well, tell ya what I'll do. I'll flash this spotlight across the river and you can walk across on the beam." Briar: "You must take me to be pretty stupid, I knows once I get half ways across you'ins will turn out the light."
JATT: Rabba je tu mainu 100Rs. deve ta mein 50Rs. guru ghar devaga.
Thodi door ja ke usnu 50Rs. labh jande hun te jatt kehnda hai: Wah oh rabba inna bhi bharosa nahi, aapne pehla hi katt laye.
Where do steers go to dance? To the Meat Ball!
A Shorter, Harsher Titanic
KATE WINSLET: Why, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?
KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named' Picasso.' I am certain he will amount to nothing.
KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know this priceless paintings will sink with the boat.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very pretty.
KATE: Thank you. So are you.
LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my' brooding' face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet.
KATE: While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until the boat sinks and more...