Hot Jokes

Trouble with Inflation

Hot 11 hours ago

An inflatable pupil goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day.

Bored in his history lesson, he gets up and walks out.

In the inflatable corridor he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him, pulls a knife out and stabs him.

He runs out of the school.

As he gets outside, he thinks again "I hate school" and pulls his knife out and stabs the inflatable school.

He runs off to his inflatable home.

Two hours later, his inflatable mum is knocking at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police.

Panicking, inflatable boy pulls out the knife and stabs himself.

Later on that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable hospital and sees the inflatable headmaster in the inflatable bed next to him.

Shaking his deflated head, more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones: "You've let me down; you've let the school down, but worst of all, more...

Baseball in heaven

Hot 23 hours ago

Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. For their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.' Bob is that you?' Earl asked.

'Of course it me,' Bob replied.

'This is unbelievable!' Earl exclaimed.' So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?'

'Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?'

'Tell me the good news first.'' Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl.'

'Oh, that is wonderful! So what more...

Clinton's mail:

Dear Bill:

As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.

Jimmy Carter
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Dear Bill:

OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox!

Gary Hart
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My Dear Chap:

This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.

Hugh Grant
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Bill:

They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!

Mayor Marion more...

Blonde on Mt. Everest

Hot 1 day ago

10 blondes and a brunette are climbing Mt. Everest. The rope they are on is too heavy, so one of them has to sacrafice themselves. After a moment of silence, the brunette says she will do it. She makes a long, touching speech about her life and to remember her, and all of the blondes clap and let go of the rope.

Are shellfish warm

Hot 1 day ago

Are shellfish warm? No they're clammy!

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."

The Cajuns heard that Saddam Hussein was going to help Osama bin Laden and they decided This is WAR!!
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his bunker when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Boudreaux down at the Fred's lounge in Mamou, Looziannah.
I'm callin' to told you we be officially declarin' war on you!"
"Well, Boudreaux, Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Rat now," said Boudreaux, (hesitating) "there is me, my cousin Thibedeaux, my nex door neighbor Justain, and the whole bunch from the bar. That makes us eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Boudreaux, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Woo-eee!" said Boudreaux. "I gots to call you back later!"
Sure enough, the next day, Boudreaux called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We got us more...