Hot Jokes

Whiskey and Soda

Hot 1 day ago

A Baptist preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantaged of by women of ill-repute than to let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too. I didn't know we had a choice...."

Knock Knock - Cabot

Hot 1 day ago

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Cabot who?

One arm pollock

Hot 2 days ago

Q: how do you get a one arm pollock out of a tree? A: you wave at him

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.
* If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue. Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
* There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
* Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal more...

Good Pedigree

Hot 5 days ago

The lil' Columbia, Maryland Yuppette was shopping in an upscale pet center. “I want a dog of which I can be proud, ” she told the salesman. “Does that one have a good pedigree? ”
“Miss, ” confirmed the clerk, “if she could speak, she wouldn't talk to either one of us. ”


Hot 6 days ago

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.

As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"
"Head up," said the doctor.
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.
"Head up or head down?" said the executioner.
"Head up."
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."

So the more...

It was the stockbroker's first day in prison and on meeting his psychotic-looking cell mate he became even more nervous than ever.
''Don't worry, mate,'' said the prisoner when he noticed how scared the stockbroker looked. ''I'm in for a white- collar crime, too,''
''Oh, really?'' said the stockbroker with a sigh of relief.
''Yeah,'' said the prisoner. ''I murdered a priest.''