"Gas in the restaurant" joke
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best more...
One day a girl went to church to make a confession
GIRL: Forgive me father for I have sined
PRIEST: What have you done my child
GIRL: I called a man a son of a bitch
PRIEST: Why did you call him a son of a bitch
GIRL: Caused he touched my hand
PRIEST: more...
You know you're Taliban if...
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You think vests more...
I once fingered my daughter to the police.
I think it was every breath you take.