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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she more...

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

A guy says to his friend, "I can't remember if the doctor told me my wife has AIDS or Alzheimer's."
His friend says, "It's simple. Drive her to the other side of town. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her."

There was an ambulance with its siren on that was rushing to the hospital that passed by a tenement. After they passed the tenement, they saw a Samoan man running quickly to the ambulance. The drivers were questioned by his presence behind them so they stopped the ambulance and asked the Samoan what was his problem. The Sole ran up to the ambulance and asked, "Eh, U still get ice cream?"

Why does a blond wear a tight skirt?
To keep her legs closed

Police are called to a home where a murder has occurred. When they arrive, they find a man standing, holding a 5 iron in his hands, looking down at the lifeless body of a woman on the floor.
"Sir, is that your wife?" asks the detective.
"Yes," the man mumbles.
"Did you strike her with that golf club?" the detective inquires.
"Yes, I did," the man sobs, dropping the club and putting his hands on his head.
"How many times did you hit her?" asks the detective.
"I'm not sure," groans the man. "Five, six, seven... Put me down for a five!"

What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.