Restaurant Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
    needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
    gas with the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
    and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

    A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

    She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

    One of the Japanese men says, "We are all berry hungry."

    The waitress says, "So how is whacking off in this restaurant going to help that situation?"

    One of the other businessmen replies, "Because menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED."

    These three guys -

    Hot 5 years ago

    These three guys - an American, Chinese, and German - were
    shipwrecked on a desert island. The German found this smokey bottle.
    So he brought it back to the other two and they all opened it togther
    (the German was a really nice guy). Well, low and behold, a GENIE
    POPPED OUT! The genie granted them each one wish, and of course all
    three wanted to be back home. So the genie said he would grant them
    their wishes.
    "But first, you must all do me a favor. Mr. American - I want you
    to built me a restaurant here. Mr. German - you will make the kitchen
    for this restaurant. Mr. Chinaman - you will get the supplies for the
    restaurant. I have a hot date waiting for me in Bagdad, so I have to
    go. But I will return in ONE MONTH. At that time, if you satisfied my
    requirements, I will grant your wishes."
    So for one month, the three men American and German toiled while
    the Oriental kinda lazed around and gave a helping hand to the more...

    Making It Kosher

    Hot 1 year ago

    A Rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments. The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese restaurant (not a kosher one). Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared
    carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other treif that the Rabbi could not bear to think about. As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer. "Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your more...

    Bad Date

    Hot 4 years ago

    Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself more...

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