I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
say a word...
he knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to more...
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink. Suddenly, a man hollers at him,' 'I screwed your mom last night!'' Disturbed, the man tries to ignore him.
Again, he hears,' 'Your mom was good in bed last night!'' Again, he tries to ignore it.
The man is just about to speak again but the guy stops him and says,' 'Dad, go home, you're drunk!''
Let's get off moms, 'cause I just got off yours.
Let's get off moms, 'cause she can't handle those five men on her now.
I ain't got nuthin' bad to say 'bout Yo mama, 'cause her face says it all!
I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about Yo mama, 'cause I don't even know the man.
Hey keep my mom out of this and I'll keep this out of Yo mama!
If I wanted any lip from you I'd jiggle my zipper.
If I wanted a comeback, I'd just wipe it off Yo mama's chin.
Hey, if I wanted a comeback, I'd wipe off your chin.
Nice comeback muthafucka, you can scrape that off Yo chin and use it again!
Hey I don't have a mom, me and my dad just use yours!
Hey, I got nothing to say about Yo Mama 'cause she's a real saint... a Saint Bernard.
Man, I ain't even gonna talk about yo daddy 'cause I know him. He's got a human body but a dog's behind... and around the way we call him a bitch ass nigga'.
Man, that snap is so old you might as well be bustin' knock knock jokes. And more...
The following are the top three winners from a "Most Embarrassing Moments" contest in New Woman Magazine:
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished.
"To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!
"I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter."
"It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, more...
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought more...