A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, "How more...
Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"
One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of you finest beer that I can lick my eye."
The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could lick their nose but never have I ever seen one that could lick his eye. I'll take that bet."
So the guy reaches up, pulls out his glass eye, licks it, and puts it back in his eye socket.
The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me."
He brings the guys a pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar.
When that pitcher starts to get low the barkeep comes back and asks, "Are you gentlemen ready for another?"
The same guy answers, "I'll bet you another pitcher of your finest beer that I can bite my ear."
The barkeep hesitates for a moment and looks at the guy's left ear, his right ear, and says, "There's no more...
A doctor started having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there.'
But, how will you know when our baby is born?' she asked.'
Well,' he said,' after you've had the baby, just send me a postcard and write' sauerkraut' on the back.'
Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at his office.'
Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today,' she explained.' I don't understand what it means!''
Just wait until I get home and I'll read it,' he replied.
Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his postcard, which said:' Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut: Two with wieners, One without!'
Three PhDs and three MDs are going to a conference and must travel by train to get there. At the station, the three MDs buy their three tickets and watch as the three PhDs buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" says one MD. "Just watch and you'll see," answers a PhD.
They all board the train and the MDs take their seats and watch as all three PhDs cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. The train departs and shortly afterward, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says "Ticket,
please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The MDs see all this and agreed it is quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the MDs decide to copy the PhDs on the return trip and save some money (managed care and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the more...
This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of' em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to more...