Now Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun," so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

    The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

    Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.

    The boss says, "What the hell is that?"

    Boudreaux says, "Tree' n tree' n tree makes nine."

    "Fair enough," says the boss. "Second question, same rules, but represent 99."

    Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.

    The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

    Boudreaux more...

    Lenten Protestant

    Hot 9 months ago

    John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent.

    On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are Catholic." The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

    The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and more...

    Airline Speech

    Hot 8 months ago

    In my own words: "I was flying from SFO to PDX on Friday, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like' what the heck?' (Getting PDX people to look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."

    Before takeoff...
    "Hello, and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to Portland. If you're going to Portland, you're in the right place. If you're not going to Portland, you're about to have a really long evening."

    "We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is...The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now."

    "There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're more...

    Holiday Party Memo

    Hot 8 months ago

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 1, 2009

    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family,

    Patty



    Company more...

    The Bisexual Son

    Hot 8 months ago

    These four gents go out to play golf one day. One is detained in the clubhouse and
    the remaining three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
    "My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry.
    He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so
    successful that in his last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home
    as a gift."
    The second man not to be outdone, told how his daughter began her career as a car
    salesperson, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "She's so successful, in fact, in
    the last six months she gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
    The third man's son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm and in the
    last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
    As the fourth man arrives, they tell him that they have been discussing their more...

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