A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?"
The husband replies, "Well, not exactly - it's her that suffers, not me."
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. "We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. "I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball -- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,' Hey, this looks like yours!'"
I told my wife her belly was too big.
She said, "That's a bit below the belt."
"Exactly." I said.
The police were called to our house after a violent domestic dispute.
My wife completely lost her head. I was lucky and just had cuts and bruises.
A doctor started having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there.'
But, how will you know when our baby is born?' she asked.'
Well,' he said,' after you've had the baby, just send me a postcard and write' sauerkraut' on the back.'
Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at his office.'
Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today,' she explained.' I don't understand what it means!''
Just wait until I get home and I'll read it,' he replied.
Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his postcard, which said:' Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut: Two with wieners, One without!'