Marriage Jokes

A couple realise they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together. "Look at this", demands the wife, "£30 on Beer".
Husband replies, "Well, what about this? £40 on make up?"
The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you."
The husband shouts back, "That's what the fucking beer was for!"

The scene - Husband and wife in bed.
The story - Husband rolls over to wife and taps her in the shoulder.
Wife says "Not tonight sweetheart I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning".
Five minutes elapses - Husband rolls over again and taps wife on the shoulder and says "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?"
I said, "Sure."
She said, "Great, when?"
I said, "Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl."

The little boy asked his dad one evening, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
"I don't know, son," he said. "I'm still paying for it."

For those of you who question whether you are in love, in lust, or really married, the following descriptions may help to clear things up.
Love - When intercourse is called - making love.
Lust - When intercourse is called - screwing.
Marriage - What's intercourse?
Love - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage - When you lose your child in a crowded room.
Love - When you share everything you own.
Lust - When you steal everything they own.
Marriage - When the bank owns everything.
Love - When it doesn't matter if you don't reach a climax.
Lust - When the relationship ends if you don't reach a climax.
Marriage - What's a climax?
Love - When you phone each other just to say Hi.
Lust - When you phone each other to choose a hotel room.
Marriage - When you phone each other to bitch.
Love - When you write poems about your partner.
Lust - When all you write is more...