"Marriage proposal..." joke
My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?"
I said, "Sure."
She said, "Great, when?"
I said, "Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl."
A man's wife is his better half, but his mistress is his better hole.
Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think at least one of them would've seen it.
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator??
A: "Why the hell are you shaking? She's gonna eat me!"