My wife's always walking into things and getting hurt.
Yesterday it was our bedroom while I was fucking her sister.
Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!
Had to defrost the fridge last night before bed.
Or 'foreplay', as she calls it.
Spent my last £50 on a prostitute last night and she was menstruating.
That's me in the red again.
My girlfriend had an abortion yesterday.
It went ok but it took a lot out of her.
I once fingered my daughter to the police.
I think it was every breath you take.
During sex last night, my partner whispered in my ear, "Pretend you're my dad."
I was furious.
"You are one sick-minded girl, what a disgusting thing to ask me."
I stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the door.
I mean, you don't expect shit like that from your sister, do you?