A Shopworker feels horny and decides to have a wank there and then. Frapping away he hears the owner approaching, he panics and shoves his cock in the till.
"You look happy!" says the owner.
"Yeah," replies the worker, "I've just come into some money."
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into thepresident's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied,' $165,000!' and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her,' Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?'
The old lady replied,' I make bets.' The president then asked,' Bets? What kind of bets?' The old woman said,' Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.'
'Ha!' laughed the president,' That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!' The old lady challenged,' So, would you like more...
A father and son live on a farm. One day the father says, "Son, things haven't been going very well and I'm afraid we'll have to sell your duck. I'm really sorry, but we need the money. I want you to take the duck to town and bring back the money."So the son takes the duck and sets off down the road. Halfway to town he runs into a hooker. She says, "Hey kid, I could show you a really good time if you're interested." He replies, "I'd sure like to, but all I have to pay with is this duck." "Well," she says, "maybe we can work something out."So they go off into the bushes and the branches are snapping and feathers flying... When they come out, she is breathless and says, "Wow! That was incredible! Not bad for a kid. Tell you what, if you can do that again, I'll give you back your duck."As you might guess, he's all for that idea. So they return to the bushes and get it on again. When they are done she is still amazed at his more...
Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the
weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest
explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back
and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle
he kept and what landed outside the circle god kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same,
except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the
money that landed inside the circle god kept.
The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw the money
into the air and what god wants, god takes."
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"