Money Jokes

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    money

    Hot 1 year agoby justincider

    A Shopworker feels horny and decides to have a wank there and then. Frapping away he hears the owner approaching, he panics and shoves his cock in the till.
    "You look happy!" says the owner.
    "Yeah," replies the worker, "I've just come into some money."

    A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'

    After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into thepresident's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied,' $165,000!' and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her,' Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?'

    The old lady replied,' I make bets.' The president then asked,' Bets? What kind of bets?' The old woman said,' Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.'

    'Ha!' laughed the president,' That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!' The old lady challenged,' So, would you like more...

    The Longest Duck Joke

    Hot 1 year ago

    A father and son live on a farm. One day the father says, "Son, things haven't been going very well and I'm afraid we'll have to sell your duck. I'm really sorry, but we need the money. I want you to take the duck to town and bring back the money."So the son takes the duck and sets off down the road. Halfway to town he runs into a hooker. She says, "Hey kid, I could show you a really good time if you're interested." He replies, "I'd sure like to, but all I have to pay with is this duck." "Well," she says, "maybe we can work something out."So they go off into the bushes and the branches are snapping and feathers flying... When they come out, she is breathless and says, "Wow! That was incredible! Not bad for a kid. Tell you what, if you can do that again, I'll give you back your duck."As you might guess, he's all for that idea. So they return to the bushes and get it on again. When they are done she is still amazed at his more...

    An Absolute Genius

    Hot 1 year ago

    A butcher is very busy working at the meat counter when he notices a dog in his shop. He shoos him away, but the dog returns a while later. He walks over to the dog and sees that he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and reads it, "Can I please have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb. The dog has money in his mouth as well."
    The butcher looks in the dog's mouth and, sure enough, there's a ten dollar bill. He takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
    The dog walks down the street and comes to a crossing. He puts the bag down, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him.
    The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at more...

    Bad Leg

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man goes into the doctor.He says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh, only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks. I really need 20 bucks.""I've never seen or heard anything like this before. How long has this been going on?" The doctor asked."That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee."The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I really need 10 dollars. Just lend me 10 bucks!!""Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded."Wait Doc, that's not all. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, please, if you will.""I have no idea what to tell you. There's nothing about more...

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