"An Absolute Genius" joke
A butcher is very busy working at the meat counter when he notices a dog in his shop. He shoos him away, but the dog returns a while later. He walks over to the dog and sees that he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and reads it, "Can I please have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb. The dog has money in his mouth as well."
The butcher looks in the dog's mouth and, sure enough, there's a ten dollar bill. He takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
The dog walks down the street and comes to a crossing. He puts the bag down, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him.
The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks the times and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.
A few minutes later, a bus comes along. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus, and climbs on.
The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels through the town and out to the suburbs. Eventually, the dog gets up and moves to the front of the bus. Standing on his hind legs, he pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off the bus, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.
They proceed down the road until the dog turns up the path to a house. He walks up the path and drops the groceries on the step. He then walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again.
There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door and starts yelling and screaming at the dog.
The butcher quickly runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is an absolute genius. He could be on TV, for goodness sake!"
The guy glares at the butcher and says, "Genius, my eye! This is the second time this week that he's forgotten his key!"
Come on you miserable bastards were some colours
Nan stop were at a funeral
I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.