A four-year-old boy asked his friend what a penis was. His friend's response was that he did not know and he would ask his dad.
That evening the second boy asked his dad. His dad gladly exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, "Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see this is a perfect penis."
The next day the second five year old boy met the first five year old boy and called him behind a hedge.
The boy exposed himself and said, "This is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!"
Joe was moderately successful in the career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. After the operation, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He walked past a men's clothing store and more...
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, more...
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river more...