House Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Attorney and Two Men

    Hot 1 year agoby Tats

    An Attorney was riding home in his limo and noticed two men sitting on the side of the road eating grass, he told his driver to stop and investigate.

    His driver went to the two men and asked, sirs why are you eating grass? The first man replied, I have no money and must eat grass. The driver told the Attorney. The attorney would not hear of it and said come to my house and I will feed you. The man stated, sir I have a wife and three children, and then the second man spoke up and said I have a wife and six children. The Attorney says it is ok bring them all, there is enough for everyone.

    It takes about twenty minutes to get everyone into the car and they are on their way.Shortly after the two men are totally overtaken and are saying to the Attorney, sir I do not know how to thank you and we are not able to repay you, thank you for your kindness. The Attorney says to them do not worry about it, it is fine and plenty for everyone. You will love my house, the grass is more...

    Yo Mama's So Fat...

    Hot 1 year ago

    - Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose
    - Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes
    - Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: "Free Willy! free Willy!"
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code
    - Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
    - Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, more...

    Who Is It

    Hot 1 year ago

    While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with
    Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says
    that,
    it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
    Bush asks how he knows if they`re intelligent.
    "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.
    "Allow me to demonstrate."
    Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime
    Minister,
    please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father
    has a
    child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
    Manmohan immediately responds, "It`s me, Sir! "
    "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam. He hangs up
    and
    says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr.
    President. Thanks a lot. I`ll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon
    returning to Washington, decides he`d better put the Condoleeza more...

    Special Family

    Hot 1 year ago

    A
    guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
    wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
    in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
    he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
    sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
    to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
    it with the owner.
    "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
    gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
    "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
    simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
    and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
    It protects it from the rain. In
    fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
    tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
    and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
    The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
    He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
    ecstatic (being a Harley more...

    A traveling salesman, in the middle of his two-week stint on the road, walks into a whore house. The salesman whips out $300.00 and hands it to the Madam of the house.
    "Give me the WORST lay you have here." he says.
    The Madam, looking confused, says, "But sir, for this kind of money, you can have one of my very BEST girls."
    The salesman, not to be discouraged, says, "Please, I just want the WORST piece of ass in the house."
    The Madam, now getting a bit upset replies, "Sir, for $300.00, you could get the best lay of your life."
    Sheepishly the salesman says, "I don't want the best lay of my life. I'm not horny - I'm homesick!"

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