A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the more...
guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
ecstatic (being a Harley more...
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight.
His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK?
The son replies he is scared because he has dreamt that Auntie Susie had died.
The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he has dreamt that his Grandfather had died. The father assures the son that Grandfather is fine and sends him to bed. The next day the Grandfather dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he has dreamt that Daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed. The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is more...
A man was involved in a terrible accident which left his member mangled and torn from his body. The doctor assured him that modern medicine did make it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but since it was considered cosmetic surgery, his insurance would not cover the surgery.
On hearing this, the man asked the doctor what the cost would be.
"You have three choices," replied the doctor. "$4,000 for small, $7,000 for medium, and $15,000 for large."
The man appeared pleased with this news, but couldn't decide whether he wanted the medium or the large. The doctor suggested that since the decision also affected the man's wife, he talk it over with her privately before making a final decision. The doctor then left the room to give the man some privacy while he phoned his wife to explain the options.
When the doctor returned to the room, he found the man looking very depressed and staring into space.
"Have you and your wife reached a more...
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide" the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off???"
"No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."