Jumps Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An Absolute Genius

    Hot 1 year ago

    A butcher is very busy working at the meat counter when he notices a dog in his shop. He shoos him away, but the dog returns a while later. He walks over to the dog and sees that he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and reads it, "Can I please have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb. The dog has money in his mouth as well."
    The butcher looks in the dog's mouth and, sure enough, there's a ten dollar bill. He takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
    The dog walks down the street and comes to a crossing. He puts the bag down, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him.
    The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at more...

    Parachute Crap Shoot

    Hot 1 year ago

    Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes. The president gets one and says, "My country needs me!" and jumps.
    The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, "Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart," and jumps. One parachute left and the old man says, "You take it, my life is almost over anyway." The little girl says, "No. We both can jump." Confused, the man asks, "How?" The little girl says, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
    The Train Journey II "Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted."
    They look nervously at one more...

    Ethnic plane

    Hot 5 years ago

    There are four men in a cargo plane, a British man, a Frenchman, and American and an Arab. The plane is very heavily loaded, and is falling to the earth. They unload all the cargo, and the plane is still too heavy. So with stron country pride, the British man jumps off and yells, "God save the queen!" The Frenchman, not to be outdone, jumps out next and yells, "Viva la France!" Now just the American and the Arab are there. One of them has to jump out. So with great patriotism, the American throws the Arab out and yells, "Remember 9/11!"

    Chinese Goer

    Hot 6 years ago

    A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the
    evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at
    it.
    When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window,
    takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side,
    jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the
    performance.
    The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When
    finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a
    deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps
    back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
    The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During
    the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.
    So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a
    deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed...and finds four
    Chinese men.

    Little Red Riding Hood

    Hot 7 years ago

    Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
    "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
    The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!
    Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again-this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
    "My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf, " says Little Red Riding Hood.
    Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!
    About two miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
    "My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
    With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?
    I'm trying to take a shit!"

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