Drinking Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Your hairline

    Hot 2 years ago

    you need to shut up with your 1 2 3 way back hairline.

    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    Ladies Toilet

    Hot 2 years ago

    A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
    When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
    'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
    'Actually, no,' he replies.
    'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
    'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the barman, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
    ‘Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' toilet.'

    Panda In A Bar

    Hot 2 years ago

    A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich.
    He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
    As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey, Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
    The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a Panda! Look it up!"
    The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

    Big Feet

    Hot 2 years ago

    A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had on the biggest boots she'd ever seen! The woman asked the cowboy, "Is it true what they say about men with big feet?"
    The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't ya come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
    The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
    Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
    The woman replied, "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

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