China, New Zealand, New England, and Samoa were all building a big Tower for their leaders. So after they were done building the tower each leader wanted to make a toast. China went first. He steps up and says, "I want to make a toast to the Great Wall of China!" All of the Chinese people cheered. Then, the leader of New Zealand steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to the green grass of New Zealand!" Everyone from New Zealand now cheered. Then the Prince of New England steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to my mom the Queen of New England!" So everyone from New England cheered. Then finally a drunk Samoan from Samoa was about to toast but his leader tried to stop him but he couldn't so the drunk Samoan says, "(I want to make a toast to the Bull of Samoa.". Everyone freezes and they say "The Bull of Samoa... What is that?" Then he says, "Yeah the Bull of Samoa - The Bull of Samoa jumps over the Great Wall of more...
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''
The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
So the drunk says it to the second priest.
The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.
The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''
An obnoxious drunk in a bar keeps hitting on an a lesbian waiting for her date. The drunk just won't take no for an answer.
"Tell you what, I'll sleep with you if you can name one thing a man can do for me that my vibrator can't!" the lesbian smirks.
The obnoxious drunk thinks for a moment. "Okay, let's see your vibrator buy the next round of drinks!"
This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The tramp said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside.
A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. This drunk also demanded a cocktail stick if he was to leave quietly. There had been no trouble the first time so, once again, the barman obliged and the old drunk quietly left.
Soon after, a third wino came into the barman and without hesitation the barman offered him a cocktail stick to leave. This time though the drunk turned him down and said he would only leave if the barman gave him a drinking straw.
Curiosity finally got the better of the barman and he asked the old drunk why he wanted a drinking straw when the other two drunks had asked for cocktail sticks.
The wino said “Well, someone more...
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
One juror overheard saying to another..."You'll notice that neither the prosecutor or defense attorney swore to tell the truth!"
If you see a lawyer on bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
That might be your bicycle.