Drunk Jokes

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    Bull Of Samoa

    Hot 4 hours ago

    China, New Zealand, New England, and Samoa were all building a big Tower for their leaders. So after they were done building the tower each leader wanted to make a toast. China went first. He steps up and says, "I want to make a toast to the Great Wall of China!" All of the Chinese people cheered. Then, the leader of New Zealand steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to the green grass of New Zealand!" Everyone from New Zealand now cheered. Then the Prince of New England steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to my mom the Queen of New England!" So everyone from New England cheered. Then finally a drunk Samoan from Samoa was about to toast but his leader tried to stop him but he couldn't so the drunk Samoan says, "(I want to make a toast to the Bull of Samoa.". Everyone freezes and they say "The Bull of Samoa... What is that?" Then he says, "Yeah the Bull of Samoa - The Bull of Samoa jumps over the Great Wall of more...

    A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''
    The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
    So the drunk says it to the second priest.
    The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
    The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.
    The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''

    An obnoxious drunk in a bar keeps hitting on an a lesbian waiting for her date. The drunk just won't take no for an answer.

    "Tell you what, I'll sleep with you if you can name one thing a man can do for me that my vibrator can't!" the lesbian smirks.

    The obnoxious drunk thinks for a moment. "Okay, let's see your vibrator buy the next round of drinks!"

    The Old Wino

    Hot 3 months ago

    This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The tramp said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside.
    A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. This drunk also demanded a cocktail stick if he was to leave quietly. There had been no trouble the first time so, once again, the barman obliged and the old drunk quietly left.
    Soon after, a third wino came into the barman and without hesitation the barman offered him a cocktail stick to leave. This time though the drunk turned him down and said he would only leave if the barman gave him a drinking straw.
    Curiosity finally got the better of the barman and he asked the old drunk why he wanted a drinking straw when the other two drunks had asked for cocktail sticks.
    The wino said “Well, someone more...

    An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a muscular guy. Then the alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop!

    The guy looks at him and says," If you do that again I will cut your head off with this here knife!"

    The alien just did it again and said bloop, bloop, bloop! In anger the guy cuts off the guys head. Immediately another one grows back. Then the alien pushes his finger into the gys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop!

    The guy says if you do that again I will cut off your dick! The alien did it again so in his anger the guy pulls down the aliens pants and is shocked to see that there is no dick! In his astonishment he asks," If you don't have a dick then how do you have sex?"

    The alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says," bloop, bloop, bloop!"

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