"Lunch" joke

A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.
The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye! Downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go...Two bulls eyes!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go with the last dart.
Three bulls eyes!!!
All are astounded. No one has ever won. The bartender searches for a prize... grabs a turtle from the bar's terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.
Three weeks pass... The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.
The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn't know what to give, and he asks the drunk " Say, what did you win the last time?"
And the drunk responds "A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!"

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!

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A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:
- You are a very good girl, what's your name?
- My name is Eve, daddy...

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Once a young Brahmin went to the house of a very respectable Old Brahmin to
ask for his young daughters hand. "My dear Sir", he goes "I have heard that
your daughter has all the good qualities of a Bahu"?
The old brahmin answered "Haan! more...

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Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for more...

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