Crossing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An Absolute Genius

    Hot 1 year ago

    A butcher is very busy working at the meat counter when he notices a dog in his shop. He shoos him away, but the dog returns a while later. He walks over to the dog and sees that he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note and reads it, "Can I please have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb. The dog has money in his mouth as well."
    The butcher looks in the dog's mouth and, sure enough, there's a ten dollar bill. He takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.
    The dog walks down the street and comes to a crossing. He puts the bag down, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him.
    The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at more...

    A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up to an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
    "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
    "I don't care, just do something about those drivers!"
    So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
    Three days later, the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster."
    So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
    And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called every day for more...

    Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side. PLATO: For the greater good of man. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: I forget. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using more...

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    GEORGE W. BUSH
    I don't think I should have to answer that question.
    AL GORE
    I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
    crossing the road represented the application of these two different
    functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater
    services to the American people.
    RALPH NADER
    The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by
    unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
    habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels
    of a gas-guzzling SUV.
    PAT BUCHANAN
    To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
    MARTHA STEWART
    No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing
    order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a
    certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
    JERRY more...

    Zebra Crossing

    Hot 2 years ago

    One day santa was walking on the zebra crossing looking very worried, when somebody came and asked him "why are you so worried?' then santa answered'why doesn't this piano work?

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