Q.) What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office? A.) They're hiring.
Q.) What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A.) "Dam."
Q.) How do crazy people go through the forest? A.) They take the psycho path.
Q.) What do Eskimos get from sitting on the toilet too long? A.) Polaroids.
Q.) What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? A.) National Dyslexia Association.
Q.) What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A.) Nacho Cheese.
Q.) What do you call Santa's helpers? A.) Subordinate Clauses.
Q.) What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? A.) Quattro sinko.
Q.) What do you get from a pampered cow? A.) Spoiled milk.
Q.) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A.) Frostbite.
Q.) What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A.) A nervous wreck.
Q.) What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A.) Anyone can roast beef.
Q.) Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A.) more...
A Catholic boy and a Mormon boy are arguing about which is smarter. The Catholic boy suggests they go to his priest in the Catholic cathedral and ask him to help them resolve the problem.
Upon entering the cathedral, the Catholic boy tells the priest of their problem figuring out who was smarter - to which the priest quickly replied, "Well, the Catholic boy is smarter, of course."
The Mormon boy wasn't convinced, so he asked the priest to prove it. So, the priest pointed up to the large wall in the cathedral where a huge cross with the crucifix stood - also with the two people crucified on either side of Him also on the wall.
The priest asked the Mormon boy who the man in the center was, to which he quickly replied, "That's Jesus on the cross - of course!"
The priest nodded approvingly, then asked, "now who is that on the right of Him?" The Mormon boy didn't know.
"Now who is that on His left?" The Mormon boy didn't know that more...
Q: Why did the owl, owl?
A: Because the woodpecker would peck `er!
Q: What is a polygon?
A: A dead parrot!
Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera?
A: The parrots of Penzance!
Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A: A fire Quaker!
Q: What is a parrot`s favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!
Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?
A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!
Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?
A: `The pheasants are revolting`!
Q: What is the definition of Robin?
A: A bird who steals!
Q: When is the best time to buy budgies?
A: When they`re going cheap! Q: What do parrots eat?
Q: What do you give a sick bird?
Q: What bird tastes just like butter?
A: A stork!
Q: What`s another name for a clever duck?
A: A wise more...
There was a Mississippi redneck and a Louisiana Cajun, fishing on their respective sides of the Mississippi river.
Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the Cajun was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, "Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!"
"Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!" the redneck yelled back.
The Cajun replied, "Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!"
Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
A. Becuase he was stuck to the chicken.