A Catholic boy and a Mormon boy are arguing about which is smarter. The Catholic boy suggests they go to his priest in the Catholic cathedral and ask him to help them resolve the problem.
Upon entering the cathedral, the Catholic boy tells the priest of their problem figuring out who was smarter - to which the priest quickly replied, "Well, the Catholic boy is smarter, of course."
The Mormon boy wasn't convinced, so he asked the priest to prove it. So, the priest pointed up to the large wall in the cathedral where a huge cross with the crucifix stood - also with the two people crucified on either side of Him also on the wall.
The priest asked the Mormon boy who the man in the center was, to which he quickly replied, "That's Jesus on the cross - of course!"
The priest nodded approvingly, then asked, "now who is that on the right of Him?" The Mormon boy didn't know.
"Now who is that on His left?" The Mormon boy didn't know that more...
There was a Mississippi redneck and a Louisiana Cajun, fishing on their respective sides of the Mississippi river.
Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the Cajun was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, "Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!"
"Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!" the redneck yelled back.
The Cajun replied, "Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!"
Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
A. Becuase he was stuck to the chicken.
A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.The attorney asks, "Before you signed thedeath certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner says, "No." The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not takenany steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The corner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let meput it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on mydesk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing lawsomewhere."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater
services to the American people.
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by
unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels
of a gas-guzzling SUV.
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing
order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a
certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.