Another Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Planting the Lettuce

    Hot 1 year ago

    A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

    "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

    "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

    The prisoner wrote another letter back:

    "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

    A snail, a slug and a centipede were spending a day together at the snail's house. It was decided that one of them should go out and get some drinks.

    The snail said, "I can't go, it will take me all night." The slug said, "I could go, but if it rains, I haven't got anything to protect me."

    With this, they both look at the centipede.

    The centipede said, "Okay, okay, I'll go," and he walked out the door.

    An hour passed and the centipede wasn't back yet. Another hour and still no sign of him. When another hour passed, the snail and the slug began to worry about the centipede and decided to go look for him.

    When they opened the front door, they saw the centipede. They asked, "What are you doing?"

    The centipede said, "I'm still putting my shoes on."

    During the 7-day Arab-Israeli war, the opposing armies were camped extremely close to one another on the first night of the war. One Israeli yelled out: "Hey Abdul, are you there?" On the Arab side, Abdul stood up and said "Yeah?" The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Abdul. The second night, another Israeli yelled out, "Hey Mohammed, are you there?" On the Arab side, Mohammed stood up and said "Yeah?" The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Mohammed. On the third night, the Arabs got smart. One of them yelled "Hey Moshe, are you there?" The Israelis yelled back, "No, Moshe isn't here but is that you, Achmed?" Achmed stood up and said "Yeah?" and the Israelis took out the machine guns and mowed down Achmed.

    Morbid Girl Joke

    Hot 1 year ago

    There once was a very morbid girl who had three different boyfriends. She also had a home with three different closets. One of the closets contained old panties, another contained old bras, but the nastiest of all was a storage for used tampons.
    One day, she took one of her boyfriends into the closet with all of the old panties, had sex with him, and suddenly locked him in the closet. She left him in the closet screaming for two weeks before he died of thirst and hunger. She did the same with another boyfriend, except this time in the closet with all of the old bras.
    It was all going to be a routine for her to do this to the third boyfriend in the closet with the old tampons. However, when she returned a month later to make a deposit to her stash, she found the man alive and well in her closet.
    With utter amazement and dismay, no doubt, she asked " How in thee FUCK are you still alive??!!"
    The boyfriend cheerily replied " I couldn't have survived if more...

    True love

    Hot 1 year ago

    It was a busy morning, approximately 8: 30 a. m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9: 00 am.
    I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him look at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.
    On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.
    While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.
    I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer' s Disease.
    As we more...

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