Lawyer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Blonde and lawyer quizz

    Hot 11 months ago

    A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
    The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
    The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
    This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
    The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The more...

    Smartest Man

    Hot 11 months ago

    A lawyer, a doctor, a little boy and a priest were all out on a small plane for an afternoon flight when the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the pilot's best efforts, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot yelled out to his passengers that they'd better jump, grabbed a parachute and bailed out.
    Unfortunately, that left only three remaining parachutes. Grabbing one, the doctor said, "I am a doctor and I save lives, so I must live," and he jumped.
    The lawyer then grabbed a parachute and said, "I am the smartest man in the world. I definitely deserve to live." Then he jumped.
    Looking at the young boy, the priest said, "Son, I have been fortunate to have lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."
    Handing the parachute back to the priest, the little boy said, "Don't worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my more...

    A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'

    After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into thepresident's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied,' $165,000!' and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her,' Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?'

    The old lady replied,' I make bets.' The president then asked,' Bets? What kind of bets?' The old woman said,' Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.'

    'Ha!' laughed the president,' That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!' The old lady challenged,' So, would you like more...

    A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
    The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
    Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
    The Lawyer said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
    Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true.
    Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
    Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

    A lawyer goes to heaven:

    Hot 9 months ago

    A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

  • Recent Activity