Judge Jokes

A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"
He more...

Defendant: "Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer."
Judge: "And why is that?"
Defendant: "Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case."
Judge (to Public Defender): "Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?"
Public Defender: "I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening."

Notes from an inexperienced chili tester named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The regular judge called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the two other judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have all the free beer I wanted during the chili tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
CHILI #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
Judge #1: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2: Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
Frank: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me 3 beers to put the flames out. I hope this is the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge #1: Smoky, with more...

ONE DAY A MAN DECIDED HE NEEDED TO HIRE SOMEONE TO WATCH HIS WIFE, WHO HE BELIEVED WAS CHEATING ON HIM. SO, HE HIRED THREE 14 YEAR OLD BOYS TO DO THE JOB. AFTER ONLY 2 DAYS, HE WAS SURE HE HAD WHAT HE NEEDED TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. THEY SAT IN THE COURT ROOM AND THE FIRST TEEN TOOK THE STAND. THE JUDGE ASKED, SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? THE BOY REPLIED, I SAW FUCKING
ANGERED THE JUDGE YELLED, THERE WILL BE NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM! GET OUT!
THE SECOND TEEN TOOK THE STAND. THE JUDGE ASKED SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? TO WHICH THE BOY REPLIED, I SAW FUCKING TOO
AGAIN THE JUDGE YELLED, THERE WILL BE NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM! NOW GET OUT!!
A BIT NERVOUS THE THIRD TEEN TOOK THE STAND. SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? ASKED THE JUDGE ON THE EDGE OF HIS SEAT A BIT ANNOYED. THE BOY TOOK A DEEP BREATH AND REPLIED,
I SAW PANTS DROPPING TO THE KNEES,
BALLS SWAYING IN THE BREEZE, DICK GOING IN AND OUT. I CALL THAT FUCKING, YOU GONNA KICK ME OUT?

When the judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the
courtroom.