Trial Jokes

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    Trial

    Hot 1 year ago

    Three men, a Scotsman, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were given a sentence of life inprisonment for manslauter in Saudi Arabia. When they got to the trial the judge said, "It is my daughter's birthday, so you will only be lashed 100 times."
    They went to the whipman and he said, "Today is my birthday, you may all have a wish"
    The Frenchman, who went firstm said, "I would like a pillow strapped to my back. "He got 33 painless lashes until the pillow broke. He then got hit 77 times on his back.
    The Scotsman asked for two pillows. He got 66 painless lashes until the pillows broke. Then got 34 whips on his back.
    The whipman said to the englishman, "England is a noble country, therefore you may have two wishes. The Englishman said,"Thank you, my first wish is to increase my number of whippings to the maximum 1000. My second wish is to have the frenchman strapped to my back."

    Murder trial

    Hot 1 year ago

    A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
    In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick:
    "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
    Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
    The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of more...

    AFRICAN TRIAL

    Hot 3 years ago

    An English anthropologist was doing research in an isolated African village and the tribal chief asked if he would like to attend a trial his people were conducting that afternoon.
    "You'll be surprised," said the chief, "at how well we've copied your country's legal procedures. You see, we have read accounts of many English trials in your newspapers, and incorporated them into our judicial system."
    When the Brit arrived at the wooden constructed courthouse, he was truly amazed to see how closely the African court officials resembled those of England. The counsels were suitably attired in long black robes and the traditional white powdered wigs worn by all British jurists. Each argued his case with eloquence and in proper judicial language. But he couldn't help being puzzled by the occasional appearance of a bare-breasted native girl running through the crowd waving her arms frantically.
    After the trial, the anthropologist congratulated his host on more...

    Santa on Trial

    Hot 7 years ago

    Santa on Trial
    You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:
    Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland to the North Pole
    Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25 of each year as far back as records go
    Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees
    You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of Canadian homes on December 25 of each year
    Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by operating a tight monopoly
    Failing to file a flight plan for your travels
    Failing to equip your more...

    Murder Trial

    Hot 7 years ago

    A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.

    "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"

    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

    Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

    With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and more...

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