Courtroom Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Reasonable Doubt

    Hot 2 years ago

    A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
    The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But more...

    Murder trial

    Hot 4 years ago

    A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.
    In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick:
    "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom."
    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
    Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
    The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of more...

    A feminist in a suit

    Hot 6 months agoby Kria

    Q. What do you call a feminist in a suit?
    A. The defendant.

    Murder Trial

    Hot 5 years ago

    A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.

    "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"

    He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

    Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

    With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and more...

    Courtroom ding-dongs!

    Hot 1 week ago

    *** Real courtroom transcipts...courtesy of real idiots. ***
    ( Oops! My brain just hit a bad sector. )
    Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
    A. No, I said he was shot in the LUMBAR region.
    Q. Are you married?
    A. No, I'm divorced.
    Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
    A. A lot of things I didn't know about.
    Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
    A. No.
    Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears?
    A. Picking them up in the air.
    Q. Where was the dog at this time?
    A. Attached to the ears.
    Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.?
    What school do you go to?
    A. Oral.
    Q. How old are you?
    A. Oral.
    Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
    A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
    Q: What can you tell us about he truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
    A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch- more...

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