Minute Jokes

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into alumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office andsaid, "We need some four-by-twos."The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meanttwo-by-fours.""All right. How long do you need them?"The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better gocheck."After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,"A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot". The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.". The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid". The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day. At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The more...

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so more...

Ma and Pa are sitting on the front porch swing, rocking. Pa says to Ma,' 'Screw you Ma.'' A minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa,' 'Screw you Pa.'' Again, a minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma,' 'Screw you Ma.'' Another minute goes by, and Ma says to Pa,' 'Screw you Pa.'' Yet another minute goes by, and Pa says to Ma,' 'Screw you Ma.'' A minute later, Ma says to Pa,' 'Screw you Pa.'' A couple of minutes go by, and Pa says to Ma,' 'I don't know about you Ma, but I just don't get too much out of this oral sex stuff!''

Teachers are paid too much!! I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salaries for only 9 months work! What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd pay teachers babysitting wages.

That's right...instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them $3.00 an hour. And, I'm only going to pay them for 5 hours, not planning time. That would be $15.00 a day. Each parent should pay $15.00 a day for these teachers to baby sit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private daycare.

Now how many children do they teach a day--maybe 20? That's $15.00 x 20 = 300.00 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all the vacations: $300.00 x 180 =$54,000. (Just a minute my calculator must need batteries.)

What will teachers say about those who have 10 years of experience and a master's degree? Well, maybe (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage. We can round more...