Call Jokes

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the more...

(must be read with an Italian or other foreign accent)
One day ima gonna America to bigga hotel.
Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch.
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to more...

(To be left on an answering machine, or as a general prank call)
"You know, the strangest thing happened to me today... I asked the devil for a condom, and he gave me three. I asked the devil for a dollar, and he gave me ten. Then I asked the devil for a ho and he gave me this number."

ya i got a joke for ya what do you call a deer with one eye?
a F***** one eyed deer

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."