Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the-"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road-''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer more...
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer-do you have a locker room in the police station-a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those more...
Here are rules for The Anime Drinking Game, it is suggested that you only use a few at a time (if you value your liver). The general rules are first followed by the one that are series specific. General Rules: Drink once whenever there is a bath/shower scene. Drink once every time a robot combines/transforms etc. Twice if it is accompanied by the "Synthesized Battle Music Theme". Drink once every time a character says an English word or phrase. Finish the bottle if the word is "Darlin". Drink once whenever you see a sign, computer readout etc. in English. Three times if it's not spelled right. Drink once whenever a Hyperdimensional sledgehammer/16 ton weight/. 44 Automag is used to subdue somebody. Drink once if the big giant robot ends up being piloted by somebody other than the person who was supposed to fly it. Drink once when the background goes abstract for dramatic effect. If the action repeats itself X times, drink X times. Drink once when an unexpected wind more...
The creator of FX's "Rescue Me" went online to explain Denis Leary's rape scene in last week's episode. "Not only is the scene necessary for the show's dramatic arc," wrote Peter Tolan, "but the actress who plays Denis' wife finally stopped asking for a bigger trailer."
This is a script I wrote for our campus humor paper. So copyright me,
and the Koala, and the Regents, and I printed it first so if you copy
it I can sue you for imaginary damages.
(Scene: The inside of a restaurant. As people eat, the announcer walks in
from the left and faces the camera.)
Announcer: Tonight, we are here at the Platinum Penguin
restaurant in Beverly Hills, where we've secretly
replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with sand
and ground-up clam shells. Here's what they thought.
(Cut to table #1. Man sips the coffee and spits it out all over his wife.
Cut to table #2. Woman sips coffee and starts gagging. Cut to inside
kitchen. The cook, screaming, pours the coffee out all over the floor. Cut
to table #1, where couple is trying to recover)
Announcer: You're right! (Couple looks at announcer as he puts
can of coffee on table) This isn't real coffee, it's...
(Fade to black.)
(Scene: The more...