Offender Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A matter of trust!

    Hot 6 years ago

    A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
    A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
    Q: Officer, who provided this description?
    A: The officer who responded to the scene.
    Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
    A: Yes sir, with my life.
    Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer-do you have a locker room in the police station-a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
    A: Yes sir, we do.
    Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
    A: Yes sir, I do.
    Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
    A: Yes sir.
    Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those more...

    BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES... THEY COULD COME IN HANDY
    A repeat offender got a life sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49. 73 worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Mart store. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard -- which turned his petty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than three years ago, Florida`s repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for life without the possibility of parole.
    INSULT TO INJURY
    An unemployed sanitation worker in Miami is also facing life in prison -- for shooting himself in the privates. In a drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun went off, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someone else had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in his underwear. Cops ruled the more...

    Dumb Crooks Roundup

    Hot 5 years ago

    BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME IN HANDY A repeat offender got alife sentence for a small-time shoplifting caper in Jupiter, Florida. The man stole $49.73worth of boxer shorts, panties, a sports bra and some cigarette lighters from a Wal-Martstore. His fatal mistake was flashing a knife at a security guard - which turned hispetty theft into a felony. Since the man had been released from prison less than threeyears ago, Florida's repeat offender law required the judge to send him away for lifewithout the possibility of parole.INSULT TO INJURY An unemployed sanitationworker in Miami is also facing life in prison - for shooting himself in the privates. Ina drunken stupor, the man reached for a pistol he had hidden in his pants. The gun wentoff, and the bullet struck the man in the... nuggets. At first, he told officers someoneelse had shot him, but changed his story after paramedics found the shell casing in hisunderwear. Cops ruled the shooting accidental, but the man more...

    A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
    Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
    A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
    Q. Officer, who provided this description?
    A. The officer who responded to the scene.
    Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so- called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
    A. Yes sir, with my life.
    Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
    A. Yes sir, we do.
    Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
    A. Yes sir, I do.
    Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
    A. Yes sir.
    Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share more...

    A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -it went like this:
    Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
    A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
    Q: Officer, who provided this description?
    A: The officer who responded to the scene.
    Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
    A: Yes sir, with my life.
    Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer-do you have a locker room in the police station-a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
    A: Yes sir, we do.
    Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
    A: Yes sir, I do.
    Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
    A: Yes sir.
    Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with more...

  • Recent Activity