Divorce Jokes

  • Funny Jokes


    Hot 1 year agoby justincider

    All you need is love.
    Unless you're a divorce lawyer.

    A little girl and her mother were shopping. The girl asks her mother "How old are you?" Mommy says "Honey, women don't talk about their age, you'll learn later on in life."
    The girl then asks, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Mommy says, That's another thing women don't talk about, you'll find out when you are grown up."
    The girl still wanting to know about her mother asks, "Mommy, why did you and daddy get a divorce?" Mommy says, "Honey, that is a subject that hurt me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
    The little girl is frustrated. She tells her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's drivers license. It's just like a report card, it tells you everything."
    The little girl and her mother are shopping again. The girl says, "Mommy, I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." Her mommy is very more...

    Mickey's Divorce

    Hot 1 year ago

    As Mickey and Minnie were before the judge in divorce court, the judge looked at Mickey and said, "Listen here, Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie."
    "But why not, Your Honor?" a stunned Mickey asked.
    "I have reviewed all the information you submitted to the court and I can find no evidence to support the allegation that she's crazy," explained the judge.
    "Your Honor," Mickey exclaimed, "I didn't say she was 'crazy', I said she was fucking Goofy."

    0 to 200 in 6 seconds

    Hot 1 year ago

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a
    divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said,
    "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's."
    The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer
    said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you
    don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I
    don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
    The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have
    a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I
    park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you
    have a suit?"
    The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear th to church on
    The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your
    wife beat you up or anything?"
    The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about more...

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