"Mick & Moe" joke

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Mick and Moe were arrested for smoking dope; they appeared in court on Friday. After hearing the charges against them, the judge said, "You seem like nice young men.... and this is your first offense. I'm going to give you both a second chance. Rather than wasted time in jail, you could be of great value to our community. Go out this weekend and explain to others the evils of drug use.... try to convince them to give up drugs forever! Be back in this same courtroom on Monday at 9 o'clock sharp."
Monday, the two reappeared before the judge. "How did you do over the weekend?" he asked of Mick. "Well, Sir, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen! That's wonderful!" What did you tell them?" asked the judge. "I used a diagram, your Honor," explained Mick. "I drew two circles; I told them' the big circle is your brain before drugs; the small circle is your brain after drugs.' "
"That's quite admirable," remarked the judge. "And you, how did you do?" he inquired of Moe.
"Well, your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156! That's truly amazing! How in the world did you manage to do that?" "Well, Judge, I used a similar approach. I also drew a large circle and a small circle. I said, pointing to the small circle,' this is your asshole before prison. ..........' "

A young Greek man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three more...

An elderly lady was rocking on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared before her and offered to grant her three wishes.
"Well," said the woman, "I really would like to be rich."
*POOF* Her rocking chair more...

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by ryt

your hairline so far back i thought u went bald in 3rd grade

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Your momma is so fat when she fell in the grand canyon she got stuck half way down.

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