Girlfriend Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Lose The Beard

    Hot 1 year ago

    A married man was spending the afternoon with his girlfriend when she asked that he shave his beard.
    "I do like your beard, John, but I would really love to see your handsome face," she said.
    "My wife loves this beard, honey," he replied. "I couldn't possibly shave it. She would kill me."
    "Oh, please?" his girlfriend purred.
    "Really, I can't," he replied. "My wife loves this beard!"
    The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.
    That night, John crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
    His wife stirred, felt his face, and said, "Oh, Robert, you shouldn't be here. My husband will be home soon!"

    Thinking of ex

    Hot 1 year agoby justincider

    A guy runs into an ex-girlfriend, with whom he didn't have the greatest relationship.
    "You know, I was with another woman last night, but I was still thinking of you."
    "Why, because you miss me?"
    "No, because it keeps me from coming too fast."

    knife

    Hot 1 year agoby justincider

    I'll never forget my girlfriend's dying words to me:

    "For god's sake, put the fucking knife down!"

    coma

    Hot 1 year agoby justincider

    Whenever my girlfriends take me back to their place, they always slip into something comfortable.
    A coma.

    Special Family

    Hot 11 months ago

    A
    guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
    wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
    in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
    he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
    sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
    to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
    it with the owner.
    "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
    gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
    "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
    simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
    and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
    It protects it from the rain. In
    fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
    tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
    and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
    The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
    He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
    ecstatic (being a Harley more...

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