System Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Parachute Crap Shoot

    Hot 2 years ago

    Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes. The president gets one and says, "My country needs me!" and jumps.
    The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, "Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart," and jumps. One parachute left and the old man says, "You take it, my life is almost over anyway." The little girl says, "No. We both can jump." Confused, the man asks, "How?" The little girl says, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
    The Train Journey II "Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted."
    They look nervously at one more...

    CAT User's Manual

    Hot 7 years ago

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    •WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
    •WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
    •WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
    •WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
    •WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
    •WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
    •WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
    •WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
    •WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
    •WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
    •WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
    •WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
    •WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
    •WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
    •WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
    •WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our more...

    Totally Useless Info

    Hot 8 years ago

    1. Coca-cola was originally green.
    2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
    3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
    4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
    5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
    6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
    7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2
    8. Amount American Airlines saved in '87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000
    9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
    10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
    11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
    12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
    13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
    14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
    15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44%
    16. Barbie's measurements if she more...

    Stupid, Stupid People

    Hot 7 months ago

    AT&T fired PresidentJohn Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". Hereceived a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lackingintelligence... With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police inOakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricadedhimself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that theman was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up....And What Was Plan B? An Illinois man pretending to havea gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated tellermachines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts... And These Nitwits Are TeachingOur Children?!! A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspensionunder his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoefferallegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump more...

  • Recent Activity