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    A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying: "Damn that was fun!"

    Computer Heaven and Hell

    Hot 6 years ago

    In Computer Heaven:The management is from Intel, The design and construction is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing.In Computer Hell:The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.

    Sample Exam Questions

    Hot 3 years ago

    Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.
    History: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and Africa. Be brief can concise, yet specific.
    Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
    Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
    Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginals are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except more...

    THOU SHALT NOT CALL TECH

    Hot 3 years ago

    THOU SHALT NOT CALL TECH SUPPORT. They don't want to talk to you, period. No matter how difficult you think your problem is, the person who picks up the phone doesn't give a sh*t. At all.THOU SHALT NOT CALL TECH SUPPORT. I can't stress this enough. The answer to your piddly-ass problem is probably on the web or in a manual. Are you illiterate? (If you're reading this, the answer is "probably.")THOU SHALT REBOOT THY COMPUTER. According to recent poll that I just made up, 75% of all calls to tech support are solved by restarting the computer. This is the simplest, easiest way to keep from breaking the first two Commandments. SO FREAKING REBOOT OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN AND REPLACE IT WITH A FLAMING BAG OF EXCREMENT.THOU SHALT NOT FORGET THY PASSWORD. Do you know your name? Your address? Forgetting your password is like pooping your pants. Crash helmets will be distributed at the end of class, and we're breaking into your house to replace all your silverware with plastic more...

    HUMOR New 1-Liners

    Hot 3 years ago

    A few choice 1-Liners.


    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
    I intend to live forever - so far, so good
    For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
    Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
    I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

    I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
    Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
    I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

    Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
    I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
    I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
    If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
    Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

    Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 more...

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