Tech Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.

    The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

    The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."

    The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."

    All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

    The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

    Tech Support

    Hot 3 years ago

    Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective!" Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)***I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the more...

    THOU SHALT NOT CALL TECH SUPPORT. They don't want to talk to you, period. No matter how difficult you think your problem is, the person who picks up the phone doesn't give a sh*t. At all.THOU SHALT NOT CALL TECH SUPPORT. I can't stress this enough. The answer to your piddly-ass problem is probably on the web or in a manual. Are you illiterate? (If you're reading this, the answer is "probably.")THOU SHALT REBOOT THY COMPUTER. According to recent poll that I just made up, 75% of all calls to tech support are solved by restarting the computer. This is the simplest, easiest way to keep from breaking the first two Commandments. SO FREAKING REBOOT OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR SPLEEN AND REPLACE IT WITH A FLAMING BAG OF EXCREMENT.THOU SHALT NOT FORGET THY PASSWORD. Do you know your name? Your address? Forgetting your password is like pooping your pants. Crash helmets will be distributed at the end of class, and we're breaking into your house to replace all your silverware with plastic more...

    Tech Support (Classic)

    Hot 4 years ago

    "Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"
    "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
    "What sort of trouble?"
    "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
    "Went away?"
    "They disappeared."
    "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
    "Nothing."
    "Nothing?"
    "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
    "How do I tell?"
    [Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]
    "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
    "What's a sea-prompt?"
    [Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]
    "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
    "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
    [Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware more...

    No Smoke

    Hot 1 year ago

    A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
    Tech: What's the problem?
    User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
    Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
    User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
    Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
    User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
    Ten minutes later, the User is still adamant that they are right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
    Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
    User: I knew it!
    Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
    Ten minutes later.
    User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
    Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
    User: MS-DOS more...

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