Keyboard Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Blame storming - sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
    Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid sentence.
    Cube farm - an office filled with cubicles.
    Ego surfing - scanning the Net, databases, print media etc. looking for references to one's own name.
    Prairie dogging - something loud happens in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
    Idea hamsters - people who always seem to have their idea generators running.
    Mouse potato - the on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.
    Ohnosecond - that minuscule fraction of time in which you realize you've just made a big mistake.
    SITCOM - stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
    Stress puppy - a person who thrives on being more...

    In 1993, sometime in December, a customer walks in with a dead PowerBook.
    Fault description: hangs on startup. An additional symptom provided was: whilst being carried from the customer's site to our service center, a 'sloshing' noise was heard within the machine.
    "Has anything been split on this computer?" I inquired, but no, nothing of the sort had happened, protested the client vehemently. Taking this with a grain of salt (no one's going to admit doing something that totally invalidates their warranty and effectively wrecks their computer) I went about filling in the repair order.
    Back on the bench, I started the PowerBook up. Sure enough, an address error on startup, just after 'Welcome to Macintosh'. I lowered my ear to the keyboard, at which point I heard a crackling noise (couldn't hear any sloshing noise though) and became aware of a rather 'sharp' odor which seemed to emanate from the inside of the machine.
    Flicking the computer off and unplugging more...

    Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
    A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
    Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
    A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $
    139.
    95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
    Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
    A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with more...

    Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
    A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
    Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
    A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139.95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
    Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
    A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your more...

    1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
    2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
    3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
    4. 2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of
    2.
    5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
    6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
    7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
    8. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
    9. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
    10. -{-- The information went data way --[
    11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
    12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
    13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
    14. The name is Baud..., James Baud.
    15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
    16. Access denied-nah nah na nah nah!
    17. C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
    18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
    19. more...

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