Keyboard Jokes

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    Shift Key FAQ

    Hot 8 months ago

    Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
    A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
    Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
    A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $
    139.
    95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
    Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
    A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with more...

    Shift Key FAQ

    Hot 8 months ago

    Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
    A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
    Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
    A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139.95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
    Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
    A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nets,
    Not a mousie was stirring, not even the pets.
    The floppies were stacked by the modem with care,
    In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
    The files were nestled all snug in a folder,
    The screen-saver turned on, the weather was colder.
    And leaving the keyboard along with my mouse,
    I turned from the screen to the rest of the house.
    When up from the drive there arose such a clatter,
    I turned to the screen to see what was the matter.
    Away to the mouse I flew like a flash,
    Zoomed open a window in fear of a crash...
    The glow from the screen on the keyboard below,
    Gave an electronic luster to all my macros.
    When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a little sleigh icon with eight tiny reindeer.
    And a tiny disk driver so SCSI and quick,
    I knew in a nano it must be Saint Nick.
    More rapid than trackballs his cursors they came,
    He more...

    1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
    2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
    3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
    4. 2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of
    2.
    5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
    6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
    7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
    8. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
    9. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
    10. -{-- The information went data way --[
    11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
    12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
    13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
    14. The name is Baud..., James Baud.
    15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
    16. Access denied-nah nah na nah nah!
    17. C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
    18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
    19. more...

    1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.4. 2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of2.5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.8. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL9. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN10. -{-- The information went data way --[11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding14. The name is Baud..., James Baud.15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 16. Access denied-nah nah na nah nah! 17. C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..19. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"20. As a computer, I find more...

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