Keyboard Jokes

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    Shift Key FAQ

    Hot 4 years ago

    Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
    A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
    Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
    A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139.95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
    Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
    A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your more...

    Shift Key FAQ

    Hot 4 years ago

    Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
    A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
    Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
    A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $
    139.
    95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
    Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
    A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with more...

    1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
    2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
    3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
    4. 2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of
    2.
    5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
    6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
    7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
    8. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL
    9. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
    10. -{-- The information went data way --[
    11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression
    12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
    13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
    14. The name is Baud..., James Baud.
    15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
    16. Access denied-nah nah na nah nah!
    17. C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
    18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
    19. more...

    1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.2. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.4. 2 2 = 5 for extremely large values of2.5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.6. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.7. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.8. C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL9. C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN10. -{-- The information went data way --[11. Best file compression around: "DEL ." = 100% compression12. The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.13. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding14. The name is Baud..., James Baud.15. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 16. Access denied-nah nah na nah nah! 17. C: Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.18. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..19. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"20. As a computer, I find more...

    1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
    2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
    3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
    4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
    5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked more...

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