Mouse Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Cat and Mouse in Heaven

    Hot 2 years ago

    A cat and a mouse died and went to Heaven on the same day. Shortly after arriving, God met the mouse and asked, "How do you like it here so far?"
    "It's wonderful," replied the mouse, "but it would be even better if I could have a pair of roller skates."
    "Sure," God said, and He gave the mouse a pair of roller skates.
    The next day, God met the cat and asked, "How do you like it here so far?"
    "It's really great," replied the cat, "I never knew you had meals on wheels up here!"

    A guy sits down in a Cafe' and asks for the hot chile.
    The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
    He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the chili bowl is still full.
    He says, "Are you going to eat that?"
    The other guy says, "No. Help yourself."
    He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way down, his fork hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes! the chili back into the bowl.
    The other guy says, "That's about as far as I got, too."

    CAT User's Manual

    Hot 4 years ago

    CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
    User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
    Features:
    User Friendly
    Low Power CPU
    Self Portable Operation
    Dual Video and Audio Input
    Audio Output
    Auto Search Capability for Input Data
    Auto Search for Output Bin
    Auto Learn Program in ROM
    Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
    Wide Operating Temperature Range
    Mouse Driven
    Self Cleaning
    Production Details:
    After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
    onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
    installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
    there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
    units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
    may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
    units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

    A Mouse Story

    Hot 5 years ago

    A city mouse had a country mouse stay for the weekend, and spent the whole time offering urban advice. On the last evening of the country mouse's visit, they were dining in the kitchen when in
    came the largest cat the country mouse had ever seen.
    "Don't panic," said the town mouse, "Leave this to me."
    Marching up to the cat she said, "Bow wow wow wow! The cat turned and ran from the room.
    "How did you do that?" asked the country mouse.
    "Like I told you," said the town mouse, "it pays to learn a second language."

    3 Bad Mice

    Hot 1 year ago

    Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were.
    The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times." And with that he slams another shot.
    The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it."
    And with that he slams another shot.
    The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
    The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to f@ck the cat."

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