Foot Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!" The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!" The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he more...

    African Safari

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an
    elephant in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man
    very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the
    thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns
    and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him.
    The elephant then continues on its way.
    "
    I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember
    me?"
    the man muses to himself.
    It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the
    States.
    He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost
    like it KNOWS him. The man wonders, "
    Could this be that elephant
    I helped so long ago?"
    He decides to get a closer look. With the elephant still giving
    him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in
    front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to
    cross the elephant's more...

    Two guys in an elevator

    Hot 6 years ago

    A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down upon the small white guy and said, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."

    The small guy fainted!!

    The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asked the small white guy,

    "What's wrong?" Our petite friend said, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"

    The black giant looked down and repeated, "7 foot tall, 350pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown"

    The white guy sighed, "Oh, thank God! I thought you said Turn around!!'"

    Definitions of A Diplomat:
    Always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows. Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats. Can always make himself misunderstood. Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans. Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable. Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi. Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue. Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest. Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests. Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat. Can make nothing sound like something. Can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Can put his foot down without stepping on someone's toes. Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way. Can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his head. Can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you look more...

    A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple."

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