Command Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Nature of Science

    Hot 3 years ago

    Two scientists are talking in a lab one day and one says to the other, "Wait till you see my latest discovery. It'll blow your mind!" Naturally intrigued, the second scientist asks for a demonstration of this amazing discovery. At his request, the first scientist gets a spider out of a matchbox, places it on the desk and says, "Spider FORWARDS!" At his command, the spider moves forwards. The scientist then says, "Spider, TURN AROUND", to which the spider obeys. The scientist then says "Spider, FORWARDS", and again the spider does exactly as it is told. The second scientist, impressed with his friend's command of the spider, congratulates him on his work.

    The first scientist then replies, "No, you haven't seen my discovery yet. Wait till you see *THIS*", and he then pulls all of the spiders legs off and places it back on the desk. The first scientist then repeats his order to the spider "Spider, FORWARDS", but the more...

    No Smoke

    Hot 3 years ago

    A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
    Tech: What's the problem?
    User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
    Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
    User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
    Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
    User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup files and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
    Ten minutes later, the User is still adamant that they are right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
    Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
    User: I knew it!
    Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
    Ten minutes later.
    User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
    Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
    User: MS-DOS more...

    Dear Tech Support

    Hot 2 months ago

    Dear Tech Support:
    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
    1.0. I soon noticed
    that the new program began unexpected child processing
    that took up a lot of
    space and valuable resources.
    In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
    programs and now
    monitors all other system activity. Applications
    such as Poker Night
    10.3, Football 5.0, Golf 7.5, Barhopping 6.9 &
    Racing 3.6 no longer run,
    crashing the system whenever selected
    I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
    attempting to run
    my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going
    back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
    the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
    Please help!
    Thanks,
    A Troubled User.
    ______________________________________
    REPLY:
    Dear Troubled User:
    This is a very common problem that men complain about.
    Many people upgrade
    from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
    is just a Utilities more...

    Suggestion box

    Hot 2 years ago

    I asked Dan Judd, a graduate student who works for me, to look into creating
    an electronic suggestion box for the dean of the college. This is what he
    came back with.
    Options for creating an anonymous suggestion box for the Dean.
    1) Slip note under Dean's door.
    Pro - Simple.
    Would cost less to implement than generating this report.
    Con - Only small notes fit.
    Not too anonymous in the middle of the day.
    2) Put note in box outside Dean's office.
    Pro - Simple.
    Anonymity reasonable during the day.
    Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
    Con - Requires ability to find the Dean's office.
    Suggestions weighing more a few pounds unworkable.
    Box can be easily emptied into trash at end of day.
    Will probably get more gum wrappers that suggestions.
    3) Mail to an address that strips off headers and forwards to Dean.
    Pro - Easy to do from anywhere in the building.
    Big messages not a problem.
    Electronic more...

    Dave Barry says:
    In the early days, different brands of computers used different operating systems, which meant that people switching from one computer to another would have to learn a completely new set of instructions. This was obviously inefficient, so in the early 1980s, most major computer
    manufacturers agreed to stop forcing people to learn a bunch of different operating systems, and instead adopt a single, uniform, standardized operating system so absurdly non-intuitive that nobody could learn it. This system was called MS-DOS.
    The MS, of course, stood for Microsoft, the company that was started by the brilliant software genius Bill Gates. Gates is a very rich man today - Forbes Magazine estimates that he is worth more than the entire O. J. Simpson defence team combined - and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
    To understand what I mean by versions, let's consider an analogy involving cars. Suppose you've purchased a new car, and you more...

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