Microsoft Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down.

    The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

    The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."

    The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."

    All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

    The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

    Real Dilbert Quotes

    Hot 1 year ago

    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists:
    1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)
    2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
    3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
    4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
    5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
    6. more...

    Computer Heaven and Hell

    Hot 6 years ago

    In Computer Heaven:The management is from Intel, The design and construction is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing.In Computer Hell:The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and construction, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.

    What! No E-mail?

    Hot 6 years ago

    An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.25 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day. Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed." Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb. flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on him more...

    A Microsoft software engineer went through Army basic training. One day they are out on the firing range, and the Microsoft software engineer was having a heck of a time hitting the target downrange.
    Shot after shot rang out, and the reports from downrange kept coming back a miss. Finally, the Microsoft software engineer stood up, stuck his finger in the end of the barrel and pulled the trigger. This of course had the effect of blowing his digit clean off.
    Grimacing through his pain, the Microsoft software engineer yelled down to the target pit 'Well, it is leaving this end just fine, the problem must be on your end!'

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