Gates Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bill Gates compares the computer industry with General Motors
    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
    In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
    If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
    For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
    Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
    Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
    Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall more...

    Lunch for the Lama

    Hot 3 years ago

    A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."
    A clergyman at the Pearly Gates "A Builder, a clergyman and a politician sttod outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for admission.
    "I'm sorry, gentlement," Saint Peter said, "but the gates are broken."
    The builder took a look at the gate, then offered to repair them for ten dollars.
    "Why ten dollars?" Saint Peter asked.
    "Five dollars for my labor, five dollars for the material," the builder explained.
    "What about you" Saint Peter asked the Clergyman. "Can you fix them?"
    "Yes, for thirty dollars. Ten for the orphans' fund, ten for the church's building fund, and ten for the poor box."
    "And you, can you fix them?" Saint Peter asked the politician.
    "Of course," the politician replied. "But I'll need $110."
    "A hundred ten more...

    Shhhhh!

    Hot 4 years ago

    A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
    Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
    A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."

    Bill gates has been in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell."
    Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
    St. Peter: "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
    Bill: "Fine, but where should I go first?"
    St. Peter: "I'll leave that up to you."
    "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
    So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing, and more...

    St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.
    " Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
    " Sure," replied Jesus. " What do I have to do?"
    " Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
    " Sounds easy enough. OK."
    So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.
    The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, " What was it you did for a living?"
    The old man replied, "I was a carpCLICK HERE!."
    Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. " Did you have any family?" he asked.
    " Yes, I had a son, but I lost more...

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