God Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    God and China

    Hot 2 years agoby Tats

    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth... the rest was made in China.

    I asked God for a bike

    Hot 2 years agoby Jenny

    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    Why God Doesn't Have a PhD: 1. He has only one major publication. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn't published in a referred journal. 5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been very limited. 8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects. 10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his test. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop. 17. He's been known to associate with more...

    Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
    should
    probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!

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    1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
    and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

    2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

    3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

    4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
    enough to build up pressure.

    5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
    you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

    6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
    way to shut a woman up!

    7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
    don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

    8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

    9. more...

    God's Screensaver

    Hot 7 years ago

    Bill Gates died and was soon standing in front of God. God looked through Bill's book and couldn't decide if he wanted to send Bill to Hell or Heaven, so he gave Bill a choice. Looking through Heaven's window Bill Gates saw a sunny beach. In Hell's window Bill saw not only a beach, but beautiful women too, so of course he chooses Hell. Two weeks later God goes to check on Bill Gates and finds him running from devils having a horrible time.
    "How's it going, Bill?" God asked.
    "Horrible! What happened to the beach and the women?" Bill cried.
    "Oh," God laughed. "That was the screensaver."

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