God Jokes

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth... the rest was made in China.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Bill Gates died and was soon standing in front of God. God looked through Bill's book and couldn't decide if he wanted to send Bill to Hell or Heaven, so he gave Bill a choice. Looking through Heaven's window Bill Gates saw a sunny beach. In Hell's window Bill saw not only a beach, but beautiful women too, so of course he chooses Hell. Two weeks later God goes to check on Bill Gates and finds him running from devils having a horrible time.
"How's it going, Bill?" God asked.
"Horrible! What happened to the beach and the women?" Bill cried.
"Oh," God laughed. "That was the screensaver."

A religious young man who was trained to be preacher was dating
a gorgeous young girl and one day he happend to be in the country
side under a large tree haveing a picknic with his girl friend.
After while, he started kissing the girl and became lusty and
wanted to make love to her right under the tree; but he felt
gulity due to hisreligous traning and decided to pray & ask God for
his forgiveness, and yet make love.
The Young piously knelt on his knees and asked, " Farher above, Farther
above, let me have a go with my girl!"
All of a sudden a deep, solemn voice came down from the tree and the voice
said, " Son below, son below, you may have a go!"
The young man was so happy and he made passionate love to the
girl right under the tree.
After a while our hero got horney again, wanted to make love
again!
Again he decided to ask the God, just like the first time. Again,
he knelt down and more...

One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality.. ..
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo".

He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.
But I would not more...