God Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    God and China

    Hot 1 year agoby Tats

    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth... the rest was made in China.

    I asked God for a bike

    Hot 1 year agoby Jenny

    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
    should
    probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!

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    1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
    and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

    2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

    3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

    4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
    enough to build up pressure.

    5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
    you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

    6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
    way to shut a woman up!

    7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
    don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

    8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

    9. more...

    Why God Doesn't Have a PhD: 1. He has only one major publication. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn't published in a referred journal. 5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been very limited. 8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects. 10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his test. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop. 17. He's been known to associate with more...

    Gold in Heaven

    Hot 6 years ago

    There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
    An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
    The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.
    The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed.
    Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter.
    St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
    The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the more...

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