God Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    God and China

    Hot 1 year agoby Tats

    In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth... the rest was made in China.

    I asked God for a bike

    Hot 1 year agoby Jenny

    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

    Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
    should
    probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!

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    1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
    and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

    2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

    3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

    4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
    enough to build up pressure.

    5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
    you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

    6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
    way to shut a woman up!

    7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
    don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

    8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

    9. more...

    Why God Doesn't Have a PhD: 1. He has only one major publication. 2. It was in Hebrew. 3. It had no references. 4. It wasn't published in a referred journal. 5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been very limited. 8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects. 10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his test. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop. 17. He's been known to associate with more...

    God created the donkey & said to him: " You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence & you will live 50 years. You will be a donkey. " The donkey answered: " I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is too much. Give me only 20 years. God granted his wish. God created the dog and said to him: "You will be a dog. " You will guard the house of man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 25 years. You will be a dog. " The dog answered: " Sir, to live 25 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted his wish. God created the Monkey and said to him: " You will be a monkey. " You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey. " The monkey answered: " Sir, to live 20 years is too much, you give me only 10 years. God granted more...

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