President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton's ear.
All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!".
She looks surprised but leaves.
The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, "No, I said to throw out the first PITCH!"
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drinkorders.The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placedbefore him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also likedrink.The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped bya brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON'S FRIEND??
The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
head, ruled a suicide.
4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...
The Original Version:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
The New Liberal Version:
It starts out the same, but when winter comes, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up and provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to film of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Then a representative of the NAAGB (The National Association for the Advancement of Green Bugs) shows up on NightLine more...
Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in
front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Go" written
in urine across the snow.
Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and
yells, "Somebody wrote a threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they
wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he
did it! Where were you guys?!" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly
at the floor. Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and
find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!" The
entire staff immediately jumps up and races for the exits.
Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well
Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do
you want first?"
Clinton says, "Oh more...