Data Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials Information
    System
    Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115
    lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Large
    quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
    PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Surface Tension-soft and warm.
    2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
    3. Boils at nothing.
    4. Freezes without reason.
    5. Melts with special reason.
    6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
    7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common
    ore.
    8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.
    9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
    10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to
    reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
    CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.
    2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive more...

    In the beginning, God created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but do more...

    Computer acronyms list

    Hot 6 years ago

    Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms

    IBM

    I Blame Microsoft

    Idiots Buy Me

    Idiots Building Machines

    I'll Buy Macintoshes

    It Bit Me

    It Built Microsoft

    It's Better Manually

    I've Been Mislead

    I've Been Mugged

    WINDOWS

    Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

    When I Need Data Output Without Speed

    While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation

    Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

    WIN

    Whoppingly Immense NOP

    Worm Infestation Netware

    MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT

    My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

    Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

    WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

    Different Operating Systems Expectations

    Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

    MS-DOS: You Asked more...

    If Poe were a Techie

    Hot 4 years ago

    IF POE WERE A TECHIE

    Once upon a midnight dreary,
    fingers cramped and vision bleary,
    system manuals piled high
    and wasted paper on the floor,
    longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
    still I sat there, doing spreadsheets.

    Having reached the bottom line,
    I took a floppy from the drawer.
    Typing with a steady hand,
    I then invoked the "save" command
    and waited for the disk to store,
    only this and nothing more.

    Deep into the monitor peering,
    long I sat there wond'ring, fearing
    while the disk kept churning,
    turning yet to churn some more.
    "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother!
    Save my data from before!"

    One thing did the phosphors answer
    only this and nothing more, just,
    "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

    With my fingers pale and trembling,
    slowly toward the keyboard bending,
    longing for a happy ending,
    hoping all more...

    Floppy disk care

    Hot 5 years ago

    # Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
    # Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
    # Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
    # Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
    # Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert more...

  • Recent Activity