Light Jokes

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    Yo Mama's So Fat...

    Hot 3 months ago

    - Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose
    - Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes
    - Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: "Free Willy! free Willy!"
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code
    - Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
    - Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her.
    - Yo Mama's so fat, more...

    Cosmo Quad Turbo RX-7

    Hot 2 months ago

    A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it sets him back $1.24M. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
    The young man replies "A 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It cost $1.24M.
    "That's a lot of money" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?
    "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
    The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside? "Sure," replies the owner.
    So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
    Just then, the light changes, so more...

    After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
    Enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.
    The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
    that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a
    cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a
    beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
    The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man,
    but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
    So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia
    physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a
    vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor
    instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light more...

    All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
    If being chased through town, you can usually take cover
    in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the
    year.
    All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach
    up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level
    on the man lying beside her.
    All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick
    of French Bread.
    It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
    someone in the control tower to talk you down.
    Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while
    scuba diving.
    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
    hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in
    there and you can travel to any other part of the building
    you want without difficulty.
    If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
    ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
    You're very likely to survive any more...

    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
    around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to
    place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
    saying, "Jesus is watching you."
    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and
    froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
    promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
    the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as
    he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
    a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
    Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
    source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
    flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He
    hissed at the parrot.
    "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to more...

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